Me, as a part of the strategic planning board of one of the multinational corporations

Dear All,
I need your support in my below essay reply.

Describe your long-term career plans.
Including your contribution to your community, your country or to the world. If applicable to the fellowship you are in, your background would be an evidence of your leadership capacity and/or potential (up to a maximum of 200 words).

Working in the strategic planning

I always visualize myself as part of the strategic planning board of one of the multinational corporate, this will never happen without working hard to reach it, one of my best inspirations in this is Chris Gardner story - "Pursuit of Happiness" the movie. Working in strategic planning requires corporate management skills. And every strategy needs tactics to achieve; those tactics are simply my day-to-day actions. Starting from being an experienced professional project manager, managing complex projects within the firm, and then managing different projects as a project director. After that moving to core business financial position, so I have to be totally able to track all financial records and transactions within the corporate, controlling expenditure, assets and liabilities. After that, I'll be part of the whole image and would be able to think more strategically with all tools I have on the theoretical and practical aspects. MBA will help me to fulfill the needed prerequisites of such position. This by return will add to the community and the country. As we lack intensive planning this will be reflected on the execution of everything.

I adjusted few things at top of your paragraph..

... part of the strategic planning board of a multinational corporate, and without hard work it will be impossible goal to reach. I have learned many things from hard work from my own experience and through others work. one of my best inspirations actually comes from Chris Gardner story ...

I do not understand the following..
This by return will add [...] execution of everything.

I think the rest is fine.

Forgive me for my improper English or spelling mistakes

Ahmed, it would be best if you can first present some sort of leadership ability or potential that you have displayed through community service or work services in relation to your long term career plan. You say that you see yourself as being a member of a strategic planning board of a multinational corporation. That is fine. You have 5 years to achieve that professional goal, discuss how what steps you plan to take after graduation which will lead to the eventual realization of that career goal on your part. If possible, relate your ambition and the steps you will be taking to achieve it with your extra curricular leadership examples. These two topics must relate in your presentation in order to convince the scholarship committee that you prepared for the demands that the academic course, as well as the fellowship demands, will be making upon you. The fellowship is granted only to those applicants who can prove to have exemplary leadership abilities, now is your chance to prove you have that ability and that it can set you apart from the other applicants. So be very specific in your explanation. Don't be so imaginative as you are now. Show a definite and achievable post study plan in relation to your 5 year career goals. Remove the reference to the movie. That does not have any direct relation to you and only takes away valuable word count. Concentrate solely on you, your ambitions, and clear and impressive examples of your leadership skills.

@Holt
Dear Holt,
find below my updated draft, I updated it based on your comments:

I still remember my last year at college; I was the president of a student activity leading more than 60 people toward one target. This is how I always visualize myself as part of the strategic planning board of one of the multinational corporate, setting long term targets followed by tactics. That's why I found that studying project management is the first tactic, so I became PMP and IPMA certified. Then I studied risk management and planning. During this journey, I became pretty sure that financial studies are very important part of any corporate plan or decision. So, I applied for MBA scholarship to be equipped with needed weapons to be able to take the right decisions in proper time. During my MBA program, I'll get ton of organizational and management knowledge, which I already did when I was student activity president, but this was more based on my managerial skills not managerial knowledge, but leading corporate needs both skills and knowledge to excel. Strategic planning is my passion, where I find myself curious and happy while doing. I do believe that within the next 5 years after finishing my MBA, I'll be an added value in this capacity.

@gayan1991
Thanks for your comments,
I removed the confusing part, thanks to review the new one and give me your comments or inputs.

Ahmed, please change the term "corporate" to "corporation" that is the correct term for the collective office that you wish to work for. I am wondering, don't you have a particular corporation in mind to work for? It seems like adding a specific company name to the statement should help to further illustrate and direct your long term career plans. You see, right now, the career plan sounds very hypothetical in nature. There is no actual application of your studies after you graduate from the program. That is the requirement of the long term career goal. So you have to indicate your plans in (for example) the following manner:

1. After I graduate, I will spend my first year as an intern at XXX corporation. I will use this entry level position to help solidify my early presence in the company.

2. During my second year at the company, I will strive to make an impression upon my supervisor in order to gain a promotion to a team leader position.

3. I will celebrate my third year at the company by ensuring that I will become the newest supervisor in the fold.
4. I will be a junior executive by my fourth year. This will allow me to find a way to become a member of the planning board of the corporation. Hopefully, I will catch the eye of the senior executives who will take a chance on entrusting me with more complicated tasks that will show my ability to successfully plan projects.

5. Finally, I will become a valued member of the planning board within my fifth year at the company who will be able to contribute to XXX which hopefully, can help our company become a global leader in solution services internationally.

Of course all of these topic sentences should be expanded into full paragraphs. Since you only have 200 words, you will need to find a way to present your long term career goals within 100 words inclusive of your contribution to the community, country, or the world. The other 100 words should be used to further expand upon the example of your leadership skills.

@Holt
I modified it based on all your comments, thanks to have a look on it and feedback me:

After MBA graduation, I'll join planning team as a Sr. Planning Engineer in Siemens corporation, where I already proved my capabilities during my early presence in the company in the role of project engineer. Then, during my second position ...

This is a well developed response to the essay. I believe that you were able to show the aspects of your career growth where your leadership will be called upon. You also explained how your leadership will be displayed by simply using official capacity titles in the description, thus eliminating the need for a more detailed explanation of the leadership skills you will be portraying over the next five years. One point for adjustment though, since your leadership skills need to have a community, national, or international influence on the company, try to insert a reference to one of the three in the sentence where you speak of steering the company direction. That should make an acceptable reference or response to that particular prompt requirement. It will be obvious to the reviewer that you have a solid career plan but that the influence of your career on a particular sector will all depend upon where the planning committee plans to to direct the interests of the company in five years.

@Holt
Many thanks for your comments and feedback to reach such an essay,
But can you elaborate more regarding this part ? unfortunately i didn't what do you mean.
Sorry for inconvenience.

One point for adjustment though, since your leadership skills need to have a community, national, or international influence on the company, try to insert a reference to one of the three in the sentence where you speak of steering the company direction. That should make an acceptable reference or response to that particular prompt requirement. It will be obvious to the reviewer that you have a solid career plan but that the influence of your career on a particular sector will all depend upon where the planning committee plans to to direct the interests of the company in five years.

do you mean to mention an example on how to steer and affect the corporation directions towards something ?

Multinational corporations usually have some sort of community, national, or international contribution towards the betterment of a particular cause, organization, or sense of moral right. Usually, they have outreach programs which the company sponsors to help in these charitable or community improvement activities. The prompt directs you to indicate or explain how your company can make such a contribution in the future. Being a part of a multinational company, specifically, the planning committee, you may have the opportunity to help direct the company towards contributing to the betterment or improvement of a community or a international cause. At this point, you may need to look into the various charitable activities that the company sponsors.

If you can find out what charity work the company is involved in, then you can make a suggestion, as part of the planning committee, as to how the company can use their influence either through sales, information sharing, or sponsorship for the benefit of a community or international cause. For example, Microsoft sponsors anti-Malaria programs in African nations, that is a contribution that the company makes to an international community What similar program does your company have where you can participate by offering leadership skills? As a strategic planner, you will have the opportunity to do so. It is the 'how" that the reviewer wants to know about.

@Holt
I got your point and modified accordingly, thanks for your comments if still I don't meet the best one:

After MBA graduation, I'll join planning team as a Sr. Planning Engineer in Siemens corporation, where I already proved my capabilities ...

Infrastructure refurbishment sounds too broad in this paragraph. Please narrow it down to the particular community or national infrastructure projects that Siemens can help with. For example, expanding the telecommunications services in the countryside or developing a more reliant internet service infrastructure, or something along those lines. The paragraph is already good. You just need to further develop a more solid reference to the possible contribution the company can make to the community or national government as their contribution to the betterment of our world or your country. That should be easily accomplished with one or 3 lines of explanation on your end. The explanation should still be part of the closing paragraph that you have presented above.

@Holt
Thanks for your comment, I tried to specify the point you mentioned.
Waiting for your kind reply and support as usual.

After MBA graduation, I'll join planning team as a Sr. Planning Engineer in Siemens corporation, where I already proved my capabilities during my early presence in the company in the role of project engineer. Then, during my second position at the corporation, I'll strive to make an impression upon my reporting manager to get a promotion to be planning team leader. At my third year in planning career, I'll celebrate being the newest planning manager within the division. By the fourth year, I'll join executive team as a junior planning manager. This will give me the opportunity to be part of the strategic planning board of the corporation. Depending on my capabilities, I'll catch the eye of senior executives who will entitle me for more complicated tasks that will prove my ability to deliver strategic planning affecting the corporation steering and directions. Finally, I'll be a valuable member of the strategic planning board with my fifth year with the company; meanwhile I'll be able to support Africa especially in planning for infrastructure refurbishment, supporting more reliable energy using more renewable sources, which will help the environment to keep intact and more hospitals, schools & factories can be built.

Okay, this version should be good enough to use with your essay. It complies with the remaining requirements that need to be reflected or described in order for the reviewer to get an idea of the kind of leader you can be in the future. I believe that the whole essay is now in its final form. So you should be able to use it with your application now. I don't see how else it can be improved. You have done your best. Your intentions are clear and your sentiments are unquestionable in the essay. Don't worry about the content anymore. It is in a form that can best represent your voice based upon the prompt requirements at the moment. I am not advising you to correct any grammar mistakes because those mistakes represent who you are. They do not distract from the meaning or message of your response so it is best to leave it alone. The reviewer needs to get a clear idea as to how you conduct yourself in the English language and this is the best preliminary introduction he can get from you. The rest will be up to the reviewer's consideration now. Good luck with your application. I know you have a chance just like the other applicants do.

@Holt
May thanks for your continuous support during preparation of those essays.
I'd like to come back to you saying that I got accepted.
Thanks again.