Okay. I was given a "free choice" essay for my college application, and I chose the topic of "Polarization causes violence and the only way to prevent it is compromise"...kind of. With an emphasis on xenophobia.
I'm having a LOT of trouble with my introduction; the rest also needs work, but I can handle that after my intro is fixed. Here it is:
Political ideas can only completely satisfy a group of people if it destroys or universally alienates the wants and needs of all other groups. This process is polarization, and is the source of discrimination and genocide. In such a situation, the choices are limited; with little acceptance for the indecisive or neutral, groups of differing opinions oppose each other, until the initial goal, to help people, is lost, replaced by the desire to defeat everyone and every group that does not agree. Each side segregates itself from the others, building up conviction until the conviction that each respective side is necessarily right and the other necessarily evil is strong enough that the supporters of one side would kill supporters of the other for the betterment of the world. This blindness to foreign ideals is the essential nature of xenophobia, the fear of foreigners, in this case extended to mean the fear of people who are different.
It's awful I know...
but I have one other problem. I can't stand writing about me and my life. I mean, I can't even give a decent response to "what was your day like?", but I can write short stories. I already used that topic on a different application (This other one's for a scholarship to the same college), so I need help. The topic is:
"What inspires you / describe yourself." Any good ideas? 250 words. I know it's hard to say when you don't know me, but I DO NOT want to write about role models (because I don't have any concrete ones, to be honest; I couldn't even say a role model in elementary school), and I tried a different subject, but it seemed rather negative and icky. Any suggestions for good topics?
Greetings!
I don't think your opening is "awful" at all! The first sentence needed a bit of work and I made a few other changes; see what you think:
Political ideas seem to find their greatest success by destroying or alienating the wants and needs of all who hold opposing viewpoints. This process is polarization, and is the source of discrimination and genocide. In such a situation, the choices are limited; with little acceptance for the indecisive or neutral, groups of differing opinions oppose each other, until the initial goal, to help people, is lost, replaced by the desire to defeat everyone and every group that does not agree. Each side segregates itself from the others, building walls of conviction. Supported by these walls, each respective side is necessarily right and the other necessarily evil, buttressed so strongly by its conviction that the supporters of one side would kill supporters of the other for the ostensible betterment of the world. This blindness to foreign ideals is the essential nature of xenophobia, the fear of foreigners--in essence, the fear of people who are different.
As for the second one, what about a piece of music that inspires you, or a particular author whose works transport you when you read them? Describing something like that would minimize the amount of space you'd have to spend talking about yourself. Tell briefly about its effect on you and the "why" of that will be describing the music, book, art, etc., which will take up most of the 250 words. Give it a try!
I hope this helps!
Thanks,
Sarah, EssayForum.com
