If you read mine I will read yours.
Short Essay: In five or six sentences, tell us how you first became interested in BU and what steps you have taken to learn more about us.
Pushing through the endless sea of teenagers at the Westminster College Fair, I stumbled upon Boston University. At the time, I was merely a junior and I didn't know where I wanted to go for college or even what subject field I wanted to major in, but I did know that I wanted to be in Boston. With that in mind, I shyly introduced myself to the BU representative, and asked for some basic information about what BU had to offer. She informed me that it was acceptable to be undecided and that I had two years to decide a major once I started at BU. After the college fair, my curiosity towards BU continued to grow. I became a frequent visitor of the schools website, I attended college meetings at my school, and I confidently introduced to the BU representative at the college fair my senior year. After much research, 1,108 miles from home, with over 18,000 undergrads, more than 250 programs of study and excellent pre- med and study abroad programs, my major might still be undecided, but my college choice is definite.
Essay #1: Given what you know about Boston University, what do you hope to accomplish as an undergraduate here? Please respond in an essay of no more than 500 words.
425 words
I have always considered myself an explorer of sorts, even as a toddler, I wanted to see and experience everything around me; consequently, most of my explorations ended with me being lost. While my navigational skills have greatly improved since then, my passion for exploration continues.
As I embark on my college journey, my curiosity of the world around me continues to grow and will only be farther enthralled at BU. I look forward to exploring the Boston area, as well as all the BU campus has to offer. As a member of the Boston University community, I could familiarize myself with the city of Boston and see where my exploration takes me. With a student body that hails from all fifty states and many countries represented at BU, I would be afforded with diversity in learning, as well as, the diversity of the student body. I would be able to explore my love of learning, while stepping out of my usual comfort zone to learn about other cultures first hand, from those that have grown up experiencing that culture every day. With BU's study abroad programs, I would be able to further my exploration of foreign countries and languages, while still receiving the excellent education that BU has to offer. At BU, I know that I can accomplish anything and everything no matter how great or minuscule.
At BU, I could attend a Boston Red Sox or a Celtics game. I could try my hand at a number of options for undergraduate research. I could participate in a Boston Tea party reenactment and see where the events took place. I could join any number of organizations, from the Quidditch Team to the skateboard club. I could join an organization with opposing viewpoints, just so that I could understand and maybe even find some truth in the opposite opinion. At BU I could use my autonomy and start my own organization (the Black Med Student Society) or I could go from being undecided to double majoring. I could pick up a minor in a language or in women's studies, while still finding the time to successfully graduate in four years.
Of the many things I would like to accomplish during my four years as an undergraduate, the experience would not be the same if not at BU. Wherever my explorations should take me, whether around Boston or studying abroad in another country, I will always remember my binoculars and follow the trail I left behind, so that I can find my way home to BU.
Be Harsh I need these to be as good as possible. Feedback is appreciated.
In the first short essay the next to the last line between "introduced" and "to" you forgot "myself" ;)
Maybe in the second one you talk some more about how your accomplishments at BU will help you throughout the rest of your life...
i only read the first short answer! its really good but i personally would change this: After much research, 1,108 miles from home, with over 18,000 undergrads, more than 250 programs of study and excellent pre- med and study abroad programs, my major might still be undecided, but my college choice is definite.
I really liked your short answer response. I think it's solid. But with the essay, you tend to get a little repetitive at the end, and it sounds a little list-ish, if you know what I mean. Try to relate what BU has to offer to your own personal interests. Idk that's just my opinion
I really like your short answer and the way you ended it. It shows that you truly want to be at BU.
I would be afforded with diversity in learning, as well as, the diversity of the student body - odd wording
the last sentance of the first paragraph too many numbers? are they needed
and then also the last sentace of the 2nd sessay is really good, but how does it connect with your essay? I would make it more clear throughout your essay that boston is your home and you want to study @ the school b/c of its academics not just b/c its a familiar place
I think the edited version is well refined. you ca still add that BU meets the ur criteria for a college...
well equipped professors, laboratory, and diversity..
I aslo think the second essay was straight to the point.
Good luck
Any ideas on what I should add to the second essay to make it stand out more? should I talk more about what BU has to offer such as programs, research, study abroad? Or should I talk more about my potential majors at BU? Any help will be greatly appreciated.
All in all, very good answer. Great job :)
i would suggest that you say "After researching...my major may still be undecided" instead of "After much research..." but if that goes over the word limit then probably not.
Please edit my new version of my why BU essay.
I have always considered myself an explorer of sorts, even as a toddler I wanted to see and experience everything around me; consequently, most of my explorations ended with me being lost. While my navigational skills have greatly improved since then, my passion for exploration continues.
As I embark on my college journey, my curiosity for the world around me continues to grow and will only be farther enthralled at BU. With well equipped professors, laboratories, and research opportunities, I look forward to exploring the Boston area, as well...
I like this essay, but I think you should more about why you want to study medicine or anything else you're interested in.
Please read my essay, thanks!
Additionally, with over seventy BU majors to choose from, my major could switch from my current undecided to me double majoring.
As BU offers over seventy majors, my major can switch from being undecided to a double major.
Please help me with my BU essay.
