"promising marketing career, computer software, engineering" - transfer to NY college

Hi, I am planning to transfer to a college in NY.
The essay topic is basically just telling about personal, academic and career goals.
Below is the essay i have written so far.
I'm planning to submit this essay ASAP.
I am thinking to changed the second paragraph from the last. Because it contains too many information about my current company
Anyway, would you please tell me what you think?
And please give me some idea if there's anything missing or anything to be changed.
Thanks!!!

======================

My interests and professional experiences have helped me to develop my skills and set me up for a promising marketing career. For the past years, I have been building up my resume to lead to a career in the marketing field. However, I want to further groom myself by receiving an educational foundation and degree in marketing. With everything going digital and businesses understandably calling for better response rates for their investments, I want to receive a degree in a field that expands and compliments my present offerings. Therefore, I am applying for this Unique and Interdisciplinary Studies because I want to be prepared for my future as an international marketing analyst.

Prior to migrating to New York, I lived and studied in Indonesia and Australia. Upon my stay in Australia, I pursued Bachelor of Science in Computer science and Software Engineering. As a person who thinks that education is really important and is a great investment, I also completed a course in export and import management in Indonesia. At each country, I exposed and adapted myself to the country's cultures. However, despite these countries' differences, there was one similarity I noticed and became very interested in - marketing to consumers. Products and consumers may change but every company, no matter their geographic location wants to inform consumers about its offering so that it achieves its ultimate goal of generating revenue. My interest in the marketing field and becoming a marketing professional began and grew with this realization.

Currently, I am a student at LaGuardia Community College, majoring in Business Administration and also the Media Research Analyst in LogicLab, Inc., a company revolutionizing the media planning and buying process by using an advertiser's actual consumer data to match the advertiser with the media vehicles most relevant to the its specific target sets. My position entails analyzing, preparing and confirming media-related data for system upload and client utilization. My exposure to the marketing - specifically targeted marketing - has increased and I want to continue developing my targeted marketing so that my professional experiences are balanced with an educational understanding.

My professional objective is to be an international market analyst. I believe the study field I am choosing in Media Studies and Marketing Management will arm me with the basis and skills I can use to achieve my goal. And when combined with my professional experiences, I know my foundation will only grow stronger, mold me into a finer analyst and prepare me for a long and successful career in the marketing field.

Had a skim read. Seems alright. There are some obvious grammar errors, which you should be able to rectify upon proof reading.
Perhaps you can develop on what your academic, professional and personal goals are in more detail? (If you have the word space)

Hopefully, others shall help you with this.

Good luck man

I don't like the way this sounds! Like something a pet might do...

by receiving an educational foundation and degree in marketing----I think you use too many words. Simplicity is better. Instead of a formal tone, use meaningful ideas... because I want to be prepared for my future as an international marketing analyst. not meaningful... just a common, obvious thing you will say if this is your career field of interest.

I will tell you when I find the first meaningful idea...

Here it is:
At each country, I exposed and adapted myself to the country's cultures. However, despite these countries' differences, there was one similarity I noticed and became very interested in - marketing to consumers.----Awesome, Victor, now scrap that whole first paragraph. This is the theme worth writing about. If you spare them the wordy intro and just start with this paragraph, it will get them to stand at attention right away. It is a thoughtful insightful idea...

I don't see any grammar errors...

My professional objective is to be an international market analyst. ---See this? Not meaningful. That is the kind of informative sentence you need to limit. If they can understand that based on what you have already said, do not make them read it again. Refer in passing to the intention to be a market analyst, but don't invest a whole sentence in it. Make every sentence a fascinating step in the exploration of that great theme about selling to consumers.

:-)

ok. thanks for the feedbacks... i'm gonna work on it and post it again Looking forward to get some feedbacks later. :)