How will the proposed to your career?

The proposed study will have a tremendous impact and will contribute a lot to my career. Firstly, it will help me attain a quality education of training and practicals which will broaden my knowledge in this field of Medical Science and Surgery. This will, in turn, help me in contributing towards the promotion of prosperity and reducing poverty in Fiji. It will have a large impact on my career and will also enhance my education by strengthening the criteria that I lack in. It will also help me to become a professional worker and an expert in my field of study. Having this proposed study overseas will also provide a good reputation and help me to incorporate much-needed information that will be able to implement change in Fiji. This will be able to solve challenges and further improve the standard of the health department and will be a great help to the health of people in Fiji. It will also help in providing a pathway to my future career by engaging myself in learning the most interesting and difficult part of the field to be studied, greatly increasing my level of intelligent. This will be a further contributor in shaping my future. The proposed study will also support me in terms of financial need.This will lift a great burden off my parents and will motivate me to study even harder and will provide me with the mindset of doing the best I can to strive forward and aim for excellence. Since I am very interested in a neurology field, or any specialising field that is lacking in Fiji, I personally know that the road to success will not be a smooth one and it will take a lot of effort, sacrifice, determination, perseverance and most importantly patience in order to reach my goal. So having this proposed study will be a life changing experience in my career and will be a great motivator in trying to drive positive changes and influence economic and social development not only in the Health sector but in other sectors as well. Australia is more advanced in terms of services and facilities which will help me to understand more. This will strengthen my abilities in helping to contribute to the future of Fiji. My journey of education will not end until I know that I have reached the highest level of study and have performed to the best of my abilities for this country of mine, Fiji.

Hey Luse, please allow me to give feedback on your essay. I will go one by one to get you an idea what is lacking in the essay. It was very generalized and you did not mention about your career goals or program or objective anything. Your prompt wants you to tell that how you expect your desired course of study to contribute to your career? You need to mention that what is your career goal in terms of academic goal. What you want to become after you get the degree and how this degree will help you in achieving that goal?

..........contributing towards the promotion of prosperity and reducing poverty.... How will it help you to promote prosperity and reduce poverty? For this, you don't need a medical degree but money.

....strengthening the criteria that I lack in....... Mention that, where are you lacking and how the program will help you to strengthen those lacking skills? Mention if you have gained any skills through your previous study programs or internships?

,...........professional worker and an expert......... How? Do you have any previous training or work experience or academic one? Then mention it, and how the program will help you to enhance those previously gained skills?

........good reputation (Then you can study anywhere why this university and country only? ) and help me to incorporate much-needed information (What kind of information and what change you want to implement in Fiji? )............ What are the health challenges you want to improve in Fiji?

..........neurology field, or any specialising field that is lacking in Fiji, (Be specific about your goal of study. How your course will help you in finances? Going to abroad for studying is like an extra burden on pockets, so skip that point.

You can also go through some essays on Essay Forum or Google to get an idea. Let me know, I will be around :)

Hi Luse, first of all, a warm WELCOME to the Essay Forum Family, I hope this website will not only be the source of your writing reference but also the avenue for you to be able to get the best advice in your writing and all your language practice.

Now, going back to your essay, I believe the correction should start from the title of the essay.

- How will theyou proposed to your career goals ?

The corrections to the title absolutely enhance the most important part of the essay and I hope you think the same way too.
I can also see that you have a comprehensive remark from one of the EF contributors and I hope you follow through, this will help enhance the entire idea of the essay. For addition, the word "Firstly" should be "First", this is one of the most common mistakes in the essays that are written nowadays.

For future writing reference, mind the words that you use in constructing your essay, as in this case, use the words that are formal, big in academic emphasis and moreover, words that depict the strong idea that you would like to convey to your readers. I hope to review more of your essays soon.

Thank you very much for both of your feedback. It will be a great help.