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"the Redbud Literature Honors Society" - common app short answer

sezrenei 1 / 4  
Jun 12, 2010   #1
I've registered just 5 minutes ago.I really need some suggestions on my short answer,I will appreciate it and return the favor to read your essay if you could read mine.ok,here we go.

The prompt:please elaborate on on one of your activities.[159 words or fewer].
But my short answer is 181 words.anybody could give me some advice on the length?

As I started my first year of high school, I joined the Redbud Literature Honors Society, a league of students who uphold both academic excellence and outstanding skills for writing and criticizing. Upon first entering the group, the Honors society conducted leadership elections to which the members voted and appointed me as president for 2008-2011 school years. With this leadership role, my responsibility to the society entails planning literal and educational activities within and outside the campus, promoting the society to other qualified students, and managing the society's budget collaboratively among the Honors coordinators and other student officials. During those last days of December, 2009, when the average temperature seemed to decrease exponentially, our society's internal ambience was, however, quite torrid. Some students were arguing if my provisional plan for next yeas would be impeccable as they did last year, some launching tirades to ensure hid of her ideas would be acknowledged and approved, if possible. In light of this, my works in the Honors society allow me to develop skills pertaining to effective leadership, time management, and especially group communication.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Jun 13, 2010   #2
159 words or fewer

This is a strange cutoff point! :-)

Hey, Maretta, you are great!! This is a good, thorough edit...

If you write
Upon first entering the group, ...
you have to write something YOU did upon first entering...

Upon first entering the group, the I campaigned for presidency during the Honors society's leadership elections...

For the last part, instead of talking about the skills it enabled you to develop you might want to talk about something that drives you, something that you envision for your future, and how this excellent experience reflects that drive -- which is also what is driving you to apply to this school.
OP sezrenei 1 / 4  
Jun 13, 2010   #3
Thank you for your critiques.This a correction:150 words or fewer.
As for the end point,Kevin's suggestions seem good.I think I will adopt both of your critiques and edit methods.I will drop this point .Like Maretta said,joining the literature society can be seen in my activities list,exemplify it simply won't refresh reader's mind.So I will try to find other eperiences that are out of my shown list.Thank you anyway.

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