Hello everyone, i'm a new man to IELTS writing skill, please help me correct mistakes in the essay below. I'd be very appreciated, thank you very much ^^
Nowadays, people tend to move to large cities and it is very different from the past. At that time, most people lived in small villages. Was living in a small community good or not? I think there were advantages and disadvantages that we can talk about.
In my opinion, there were three main advantages. Firstly, people lived in a small community knew everyone around them, which meant they had a lot of friends and relationships. As a result, they had to talk with the other more and since then cared about each other more. That led to the second benefit, living in a small village meant people had a very strong brotherhood. They would be willing to help anyone who fell into trouble or had difficult problems. For example, when someone was away from home, his neighbours would take care of his house, his family,... Also, the third advantage was that people had a healthier life when living in a small community. There were no noise, no traffic jams, no factories...but fress air, many trees, peaceful atmosphere. Those conditions help their emotion always stay calm and it was very good for their health.
However, i think there were three disadvantages of living in a small community. First of all, since everyone knew everyone else too well, there was no privacy among them. If someone tried to hide something on his own, people would doubt him and started to say bad things about him. The second disadvantage was that people didn't know much about the world outside. They insisted on their traditional customs, although some of them were very old. Also, in small villages there were less education, less jobs and poorer health care than large cities. Finally, people's life would be inconvenient due to the lack of modern facilities such as electricity, television,...
In general, i think living in a small community was better than in a big city. In spite of some disadvantages, people lived in small villages were friendlier, more generous and have healthier life. They cared about others and therefore they formed a very strong society.
Please help me check it and tell me if i'm wrong in something, thank you very much!
Nowadays, people tend to move to large cities and it is very different from the past. At that time, most people lived in small villages. Was living in a small community good or not? I think there were advantages and disadvantages that we can talk about.
In my opinion, there were three main advantages. Firstly, people lived in a small community knew everyone around them, which meant they had a lot of friends and relationships. As a result, they had to talk with the other more and since then cared about each other more. That led to the second benefit, living in a small village meant people had a very strong brotherhood. They would be willing to help anyone who fell into trouble or had difficult problems. For example, when someone was away from home, his neighbours would take care of his house, his family,... Also, the third advantage was that people had a healthier life when living in a small community. There were no noise, no traffic jams, no factories...but fress air, many trees, peaceful atmosphere. Those conditions help their emotion always stay calm and it was very good for their health.
However, i think there were three disadvantages of living in a small community. First of all, since everyone knew everyone else too well, there was no privacy among them. If someone tried to hide something on his own, people would doubt him and started to say bad things about him. The second disadvantage was that people didn't know much about the world outside. They insisted on their traditional customs, although some of them were very old. Also, in small villages there were less education, less jobs and poorer health care than large cities. Finally, people's life would be inconvenient due to the lack of modern facilities such as electricity, television,...
In general, i think living in a small community was better than in a big city. In spite of some disadvantages, people lived in small villages were friendlier, more generous and have healthier life. They cared about others and therefore they formed a very strong society.
Please help me check it and tell me if i'm wrong in something, thank you very much!
