a "Rice Alum" shirt -Why Rice: its name, resemblance to Harry Potter, research

hi guys
i know the deadline has already been passed and i did submit this essay..i just wanted to know what you guys thought of it..my parents liked it so i simply turned it in..what do you think?

What motivated you to apply to Rice University? Please be specific and limit your response to 200 words.

The fact that Rice University shares its name with the most common staple food in the world, and the thought of wearing a "Rice Alum" shirt in the future only to see people bewildered at my craziness are two of the many exciting reasons that motivated me to apply! Besides its name, what truly drew me closer to Rice University were the amazing research facilities. Its multi-billion dollar endowment will surely contain the gargantuan research ambitions I will carry with me from my high school career to college. In addition to that, the location of Rice University makes it a perfect destination for my future studies. With my relatives living just minutes away from the campus, I can easily drop by their houses on weekends for laundry and homemade food. I have met people from various cultures in the last three years, something that overwhelmed me after coming from a monotonous Indian society. However gradually as I started to enjoy the variety in the society, I was more encouraged than ever to desire the diversity offered by a university like Rice. Finally, I am an avid Harry Potter fan. And the fact that Rice has the amazing system of Residential College reminds me of the four houses that students at Hogwarts are divided into. In addition to that, Rice University's Owl mascot only helps its resemblance to Harry Potter!

The fact that (my English professor hates when I use this phrase :<)
Rice University shares sharing its name with the most common staple food in the world, and the thought of wearing a "Rice Alum" shirt in the future, only to see people bewildered at my craziness are two of the many exciting reasons that motivated me to apply! Besides its name, what truly drew me closer to Rice University were the has amazing research facilities. Its multi-billion dollar endowment will surely contain the gargantuan research ambitions I will carry with me from my high school career to college. give me the opportunity to carry out the research ambitions I want to fulfill at Rice. In addition to that, the location of Rice University makes it a perfect destination for my future studies. With my relatives living just minutes away from the campus, I can easily drop by their houses on weekends for laundry and homemade food. I have met people from various cultures in the last three years, something that overwhelmed me after coming from a monotonous Indian society . I come from a monotonous, Indian society. For the past the years, it has been overwhelming to meet people from various different cultures. However,gradually as I started to gradaully enjoy the variety in the societypeople , I was more encouraged than ever, to desire the diversity offered by a university like Rice. Finally, (I would try to use a better transitioning word, or sentence such as "There are still many other reasons why I want to go to Rice.") I am an avid Harry Potter fan. And the fact that Rice has an amazing system of Residential College, which reminds me of the four houses that students at Hogwarts are divided into. In addition to that, Rice University's Owl mascot only helps its resemblance to Harry Potter!

(I would try to add an ending sentence that mentions the most important reason you want to go)
Hope I helped ^_^ I loved how you mentioned how you were not used to diversity, and now it something you want in a university. Good job and Good luck!