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What do you see yourself explore in U Penn? - Supplement



kockyo 3 / 9  
Oct 27, 2010   #1
Considering both the specific undergraduate school or program to which you are applying and the broader University of Pennsylvania community, what academic, research, and/or extracurricular paths do you see yourself exploring at Penn?

The charisma of business has magnetized me since I was a young girl. It has been fascinating to observe my father building his company and managing his employees. My enthusiasm for organizing and managing events have merited me honors and awards. Because of my passion in management, studying at Wharton School of Business has been my dream for a long time.

I consider Wharton to be an extremely competitive place where I can perform and contribute my best with other highly motivated students. Many times, business is not individualized work. A successful business depends on leadership, teamwork and communication proficiency. At Wharton, the breadth of curriculum is geared toward developing these skills. I am excited to participate in Management 100 to work on a team project with ten students. Because of my international experiences, I believe I can be a flexible thinker who will enhance my group. I will be able to give as much as I will learn.

Seeing the world with a broadened eye view is important in the 21st century. Having studied in two diverse cultures, I bring an awareness of working and negotiating business from an international perspective. This past summer I worked with my father and served as his assistant, translating in two languages. I learned about intercultural relationships and the value they have in the business world. Wharton will be the place that allows me to build on the business knowledge I learned in my family and apply it to new situations.

Joining clubs is one of the best choices to meet new friends and widen one's interests. I would like to join the Social Impact Consulting Group and Penn International Business Volunteers where I can apply my skills to help organizations in need. Making profit is not the only goal of business; it should also promote changes that bring meaningful and beneficial contributions to society. In addition, I do have my secret love in fashion. I was surprised to find a club about fashion called Dzine2Show, which publishes Penn's campus fashion magazine. By joining this club, I will learn more about fashion show design, direction and production. It will be thrilling to meet people who share the same passion with me.

I am ready to dive into the innovative and diverse community of Penn. As an international student, I believe that I will meet true, lifelong friends from every corner of the world that will expand my future business network. My history demonstrates I am a leader, a team player and a flexible thinker. It will be motivating to be a member of this vibrant, global community and exciting to be part of the team of students at Wharton to redefine business. I am up for the challenge.

accepptmyflawz 1 / 9  
Oct 28, 2010   #2
I like your beginning but you need to give some examples relating to why you are fascinated by it(>>>) and examples relating to you r father. Without, supporting examples sentences are weak.

Good beginning. I have a paper to do I am going to try help you more tomorrow k.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Nov 2, 2010   #3
The charisma of business has magnetized me since I was a young girl. ---if you want to say this, you have to use the word charisma in the next sentence, too, and explain what you are referring to... the charisma that highly effective businesspeople often have? It is an interesting theme, but you should develop it. (That just means talk about it).

:-)

Even as you discuss your father's business, you can discuss it as part of an explanation for this concept of business charisma.

The next few paragraphs are very impressive.

Your topic sentences are a little too simplistic:
Joining clubs is one of the best choices to meet new friends and widen one's interests. ---it is a perfectly valid sentence, but it is obvious and uninteresting. Same here:

I consider Wharton to be an extremely competitive place where I can perform and contribute my best with other highly motivated students.
Seeing the world with a broadened eye view is important in the 21st century.
These are not worthy of your great theme and great writing! So.. make every paragraph's topic sentence intriguing.
OP kockyo 3 / 9  
Nov 6, 2010   #4
thanks soooooo much!!!!!! i ll make few corrections!!!


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