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"Service Above Self" - UC Prompt #2



VaheM 2 / 4  
Nov 26, 2008   #1
Prompt #2: Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

Ever since I was a child, my teachers, friends, parents, and family have always been praised for my kindheartedness, determination, and of course my leadership. I have never been one to judge others, I always work hard in everything I do, and always take initiative.

My morals were built by people that surround me, specifically family. My parents have always taught me that everyone is the same and not one person is better than the next. This is something that has followed me throughout my life and is still one of my main principles. I take great pride in being open-minded and kindhearted, because I believe that most of the problems we have today is because of one group of people feeling more superior to another, and people's lack of initiative to do good for others with no benefit for themselves.

Another problem that is present is people are not determined to fix the problems that our society has and instead work around them. Albert Einstein once said, "We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them." This quote means a lot to me because I strongly believe this philosophy. I am not one to walk around or run away from a problem, but rather I am determined to work hard and "Think outside the box" to not only rid of the problem but take initiative to make sure it does not happen again. I believe that if everyone lived with this philosophy, the world would become a better place by the minute. Unfortunately, the opposite is occurring at the moment and new problems emerge as time goes by.

I am very proud of being a leader rather than a follower for many reasons. One, it gives me the opportunity to express my views, beliefs, morals, and concerns. Two, I continually try to make a difference in society for a greater good, and lastly, it gives me individuality in a uniform society. This uniform society is a major factor in many of today's problems. People tend to do what other people do, even if it is against their personal views. This leads to many problems because leaders with the wrong intentions can easily be followed by those who are afraid of individuality and leadership.

I am proud to be a kindhearted - determined leader and have demonstrated it in more ways than one. During my years in high school, I have dedicated countless hours volunteering for my local church, library, youth center, and I am now currently an active member of the Rotaract Club at Glendale Community College. The club motto is, "Service Above Self," and that is demonstrated in the activities we perform. The Rotaract Club volunteers time and money to those less fortunate than us. We go to soup kitchens, Mexican orphanages, carry out toy drives for charities, and start our own. The activities the club performs not only enrich the lives of those we contribute to, but also transforms its members into future leaders.

OP VaheM 2 / 4  
Nov 26, 2008   #2
opinions anyone?
EF_Team5 - / 1583  
Nov 26, 2008   #3
Good evening :)

In regards to mechanics, replace the hyphen with a comma in the sentence "...kindhearted, determined leader..."

In regards to content, your conclusion is a bit abrupt. In the ending, never introduce new information and not follow it up. As it is, the conclusion seems like an after thought added to increase your word count.

Otherwise, I think this is a good piece; well organized with a sooth flow. It answers the prompt well, and will be much better once polished a bit.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com


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