Can someone please look over my these supplements? I would appreciate both grammatical and content fixtures. THANKS :)
BARNARD SUPPLEMENT
A. How did you first learn about Barnard College and what factors have influenced your decision to apply? Why do you think the College would be a good match for you?
During my junior year, I had to do a college research project. I was fortunately able to stumble upon Barnard College when I was looking through the list of schools under Columbia University. As I looked into it, the environment of helping woman become successful is what stood out to me. What is there not to love about a college that enables women to find an educational strength? It would be a privilege to be able to take advantage of the opportunities Barnard gives through the liberal arts education. As a 17 year old young woman, I'm eager to find the best education that could lead towards a successful future and I'm positively sure that Barnard could do just that. Coming from a high school that has roughly 800 students, I feel that I would fit right in with the small campus. I would be able to have the opportunity to once again be part of a small community, despite being surrounded by such a large city.
B. Pick one woman in history or fiction to converse with for an hour and explain your choice. What would you talk about?
For the most part, everyone knows who Rosa Parks is. For some reason, whenever I hear the name Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. or the word "segregation", my mind instantly pictures Rosa Parks sitting in the "whites only" part of the bus. The story of her getting arrested for sitting in the wrong seat and refusing to move has been told to me over and over again by either a teacher or a textbook. We all know that she was an African- American civil rights activist, but I can't help but wonder what was behind her courageous act. What made her into such an audacious headstrong woman? Did she have any past experiences that made her stronger? What was it like dealing with racism during her teenage years? The questions I would ask her are endless. I would love to get her perspective on dealing with struggles and even ask her for advice. It would be an honor to converse with a woman who has made history.
C. Alumna and writer Anna Quindlen says that she "majored in unafraid" at Barnard. Tell us about a time when you majored in unafraid.
"Good morning Mrs. Adams, Mrs. Baron, teachers, parents and fellow students".
I'll never forget that first line from my graduation speech. I was nervous. Crawling under a rock seemed like a good idea at the time. All eyes were on me. I thought to myself, "What did I get myself into?". There was a long pause. The crowd was waiting. I spotted a familiar smile several rows away from the stage that I was standing on. My mother kept on smiling at me. Tilting my head down I thought to myself, "I can do this. I'm ready". Just as my teacher was approaching me, I cleared my voice and started over again. "Good morning!". I had once again caught the attention the crowd, only this time it was in a good way. I was calm. As I read through my speech, I kept a smile on my face. Whenever I looked up, I took a glimpse of my mother and noticed that she had an even bigger smile on her face. As I walked off the stage, I sighed with relief. Without a doubt, I had "majored in unafraid".
D. Community - educational, geographic, religious, political, ethnic, or other - can define an individual's experience and influence her journey. How has your community, as you identify it, shaped your perspective?
At 14 years old, I joined my first church youth group. Due to curiosity, I asked my friend to take there since she was part of the group. Eventually, I started attending every meeting, forming a bond with other teens that attended the group. I started to take my religion more seriously. The group revolved around faith and learning more about God. We would sing to God, praise him and learned more about the bible, which gave us advice on what to do when we faced adversities. Undoubtedly, this community gave me a sense of hope. With the faith and hope that I gained, my perspective on the world changed because it contributed to gaining an optimistic attitude. When hardships come my way, my faith in God is what gives me strength. Till this day, I am part of the same church youth group and being surrounded by this community has been gratefully beneficial to me. At Barnard, with the emphasis on women's' empowerment, I know that this community would also be beneficial to me.
BARNARD SUPPLEMENT
A. How did you first learn about Barnard College and what factors have influenced your decision to apply? Why do you think the College would be a good match for you?
During my junior year, I had to do a college research project. I was fortunately able to stumble upon Barnard College when I was looking through the list of schools under Columbia University. As I looked into it, the environment of helping woman become successful is what stood out to me. What is there not to love about a college that enables women to find an educational strength? It would be a privilege to be able to take advantage of the opportunities Barnard gives through the liberal arts education. As a 17 year old young woman, I'm eager to find the best education that could lead towards a successful future and I'm positively sure that Barnard could do just that. Coming from a high school that has roughly 800 students, I feel that I would fit right in with the small campus. I would be able to have the opportunity to once again be part of a small community, despite being surrounded by such a large city.
B. Pick one woman in history or fiction to converse with for an hour and explain your choice. What would you talk about?
For the most part, everyone knows who Rosa Parks is. For some reason, whenever I hear the name Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. or the word "segregation", my mind instantly pictures Rosa Parks sitting in the "whites only" part of the bus. The story of her getting arrested for sitting in the wrong seat and refusing to move has been told to me over and over again by either a teacher or a textbook. We all know that she was an African- American civil rights activist, but I can't help but wonder what was behind her courageous act. What made her into such an audacious headstrong woman? Did she have any past experiences that made her stronger? What was it like dealing with racism during her teenage years? The questions I would ask her are endless. I would love to get her perspective on dealing with struggles and even ask her for advice. It would be an honor to converse with a woman who has made history.
C. Alumna and writer Anna Quindlen says that she "majored in unafraid" at Barnard. Tell us about a time when you majored in unafraid.
"Good morning Mrs. Adams, Mrs. Baron, teachers, parents and fellow students".
I'll never forget that first line from my graduation speech. I was nervous. Crawling under a rock seemed like a good idea at the time. All eyes were on me. I thought to myself, "What did I get myself into?". There was a long pause. The crowd was waiting. I spotted a familiar smile several rows away from the stage that I was standing on. My mother kept on smiling at me. Tilting my head down I thought to myself, "I can do this. I'm ready". Just as my teacher was approaching me, I cleared my voice and started over again. "Good morning!". I had once again caught the attention the crowd, only this time it was in a good way. I was calm. As I read through my speech, I kept a smile on my face. Whenever I looked up, I took a glimpse of my mother and noticed that she had an even bigger smile on her face. As I walked off the stage, I sighed with relief. Without a doubt, I had "majored in unafraid".
D. Community - educational, geographic, religious, political, ethnic, or other - can define an individual's experience and influence her journey. How has your community, as you identify it, shaped your perspective?
At 14 years old, I joined my first church youth group. Due to curiosity, I asked my friend to take there since she was part of the group. Eventually, I started attending every meeting, forming a bond with other teens that attended the group. I started to take my religion more seriously. The group revolved around faith and learning more about God. We would sing to God, praise him and learned more about the bible, which gave us advice on what to do when we faced adversities. Undoubtedly, this community gave me a sense of hope. With the faith and hope that I gained, my perspective on the world changed because it contributed to gaining an optimistic attitude. When hardships come my way, my faith in God is what gives me strength. Till this day, I am part of the same church youth group and being surrounded by this community has been gratefully beneficial to me. At Barnard, with the emphasis on women's' empowerment, I know that this community would also be beneficial to me.