'Soccer is more than that' - Common App Extracurricular

Hey guys,
I am in the process of sending my common app and i just need feedback on this essay
Is it to generic, or can you feel my passion for the game?
How can it be improved?
Thanks so much guys!

Soccer. It looks like just another sport on the surface, but to me it means so much more than that. Every year, my team gets a couple of new players that are unfamiliar of our way training. As the captain of the team, I am responsible in getting these players ready to compete. I am to work with both the younger guys and the coach on a regular basis, which has not only made me a better leader, but also an effective communicator, a motivator, and a hard worker. These skills I have learned have also carried out into my everyday life and into the classroom, where I am motivated to excel and to help my peers. Soccer has also benefited me in a very personal matter. When I have the ball at my feet, it's like I'm in another world. I forget all of my struggles at the moment and only focus on the game. The adrenaline I get when I bury the ball into the back of the net is unmatched and celebrating the goal with my teammates makes it all the worthwhile. Soccer? Definitely more than just a game.

Hey erndawg! When I read your essay, I think its kind of generic. If you put in some like personal experiences of your own thoughts into the soccer sport itself, I think It'd be a better essay. I think if you wrote more of the "another world and forgetting your struggles", it'd be a lot better. But overall, I think it is a very good essay. Just make it more personal!

And change your last sentence : the "Soccer? Definitely more than just a game". It doesn't really add flavor or conclude your essay.

Thanks!

I am to work with both the younger guys - it sounds awkward. maybe delete the "am to" and just say I work with both the younger...

I think it is a lot better than your first one. I don't know what the word limit is, but maybe if you can talk about an experience, that would greatly improve your essay! But overall, it's better than you first I think =)

Overall it's fine, just change:

"I am to work with both the younger guys" to "I work with the younger and less experienced players"

It'll sound less awkward.