Common App Personal Statement Essay
I finished writing my common app personal statement essay and I checked it over and over but I feel like I need to have an objective perspective in order to truly see that I answered my question correctly and appropriately. Here is the personal statement question as well as my essay. (Background: I left NYU b/c of academic dismissal + now I am at BCC doing well in school in the honors society and working part-time at a dental clinic + I hope to go to medical school eventually to become a doctor)
*Notes - I also wanted to check to see that I explained my situation accordingly. Maybe I shouldn't even mention it? Idk. Help!
Please provide a statement that addresses your reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve. You can type directly into the box, or you can paste text from another source. (250-650 words)
"Cuantos anos tienes?" I asked a young lady who seemed to be around my age. "Yo no se," she replied as she firmly held onto her baby, while her oldest child who seemed to be in elementary school took care of her two toddler brothers. I had asked her how old she was and this young lady had no clue. She was missing her four front teeth, her three children all had cavities, and they all had ashy dry skin. As a volunteer for Volunteers Around the World (VAW), a non-governmental organization affiliated with New York University (NYU), I quickly learned that the residents of the neighboring villages in San Pedro, Guatemala seemed to have no concept of time and no access to the benefits that would enable them to care for their physical or dental health.
After leaving NYU in 2014, I was able to solidify my new found passion; health sciences. The academic dismissal from NYU left me discouraged and apprehensive for my future. Despite the fallback, I mustered up the courage to push myself out of my thoughts of shame by working at a physician's office and interning at a non-profit organization, all the while exposing myself to the healthcare and science field. As a medical assistant at the physician's office, I was able to find my people-driven passion as I interacted with patients. I discovered the importance of my role in this field when patients began to request to be serviced by me. This made me realize that my joy in patient care was apparent during my patient interactions. Interning at a non-profit organization called Project Achieve taught me the significance of awareness, not only for HIV but for other diseases and infections as well. These experiences at different healthcare settings gave me great confidence and liking towards health sciences.
The medical trip to Guatemala with NYU VAW, gave me the final push on the decision to go to Bergen Community College (BCC) and transfer to a four year university. Attending Bergen Community College (BCC) with low to no expectations, I quickly gained great appreciation for learning. My first professor at BCC, Dr. Tartaglia, exuded diligence and efficiency with positive encouragements which resulted in my internalization of those traits and implementing them into my academic career at BCC. After graduating from BCC, I plan to transfer into a four year university that will provide me the rigor and challenge so that when I graduate with a bachelor's degree in science, I am well prepared for medical school.
Once I complete my undergraduate career, I hope to attend medical school and possibly graduate school for public health in order to learn more about how I can positively impact the healthcare field, whether it is in America or a small town in Guatemala. Transferring to a four year university will provide me a vast amount of opportunity in the research field and a myriad of challenging courses that will guide me in having a successful undergraduate academic career. Just as the lady from Guatemala had no concept of time, all along, I thought had no concept of time as well. However, I've learned and made the most of my time after NYU through my work experiences, volunteer services, and academic achievements, and intend to continue to be the successful student I presently am when I transfer to a four year university.
I finished writing my common app personal statement essay and I checked it over and over but I feel like I need to have an objective perspective in order to truly see that I answered my question correctly and appropriately. Here is the personal statement question as well as my essay. (Background: I left NYU b/c of academic dismissal + now I am at BCC doing well in school in the honors society and working part-time at a dental clinic + I hope to go to medical school eventually to become a doctor)
*Notes - I also wanted to check to see that I explained my situation accordingly. Maybe I shouldn't even mention it? Idk. Help!
Please provide a statement that addresses your reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve. You can type directly into the box, or you can paste text from another source. (250-650 words)
"Cuantos anos tienes?" I asked a young lady who seemed to be around my age. "Yo no se," she replied as she firmly held onto her baby, while her oldest child who seemed to be in elementary school took care of her two toddler brothers. I had asked her how old she was and this young lady had no clue. She was missing her four front teeth, her three children all had cavities, and they all had ashy dry skin. As a volunteer for Volunteers Around the World (VAW), a non-governmental organization affiliated with New York University (NYU), I quickly learned that the residents of the neighboring villages in San Pedro, Guatemala seemed to have no concept of time and no access to the benefits that would enable them to care for their physical or dental health.
After leaving NYU in 2014, I was able to solidify my new found passion; health sciences. The academic dismissal from NYU left me discouraged and apprehensive for my future. Despite the fallback, I mustered up the courage to push myself out of my thoughts of shame by working at a physician's office and interning at a non-profit organization, all the while exposing myself to the healthcare and science field. As a medical assistant at the physician's office, I was able to find my people-driven passion as I interacted with patients. I discovered the importance of my role in this field when patients began to request to be serviced by me. This made me realize that my joy in patient care was apparent during my patient interactions. Interning at a non-profit organization called Project Achieve taught me the significance of awareness, not only for HIV but for other diseases and infections as well. These experiences at different healthcare settings gave me great confidence and liking towards health sciences.
The medical trip to Guatemala with NYU VAW, gave me the final push on the decision to go to Bergen Community College (BCC) and transfer to a four year university. Attending Bergen Community College (BCC) with low to no expectations, I quickly gained great appreciation for learning. My first professor at BCC, Dr. Tartaglia, exuded diligence and efficiency with positive encouragements which resulted in my internalization of those traits and implementing them into my academic career at BCC. After graduating from BCC, I plan to transfer into a four year university that will provide me the rigor and challenge so that when I graduate with a bachelor's degree in science, I am well prepared for medical school.
Once I complete my undergraduate career, I hope to attend medical school and possibly graduate school for public health in order to learn more about how I can positively impact the healthcare field, whether it is in America or a small town in Guatemala. Transferring to a four year university will provide me a vast amount of opportunity in the research field and a myriad of challenging courses that will guide me in having a successful undergraduate academic career. Just as the lady from Guatemala had no concept of time, all along, I thought had no concept of time as well. However, I've learned and made the most of my time after NYU through my work experiences, volunteer services, and academic achievements, and intend to continue to be the successful student I presently am when I transfer to a four year university.