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My strong abilities; Kelley School of business Admission Essay

luky78633 1 / 2  
Mar 2, 2013   #1
This is my admission essay to the Kelley school of business. I have done my best to take out all the grammatical errors but please if anyone can give comments and feed back on the essay it would be very helpful

Main requirements for the paper is: What are you strong attributes? and what can you learn from the Kelley school of business.
Thanks in advance.
I was trying to upload it i am new to the site so sorry if i make any mistakes on uploading the essay.

android21 10 / 56 20  
Mar 2, 2013   #2
My name is Tariq Khan (do they not know your name?). I am currently in the second semester of my junior year pursuing a degree in Finance, and Accounting at IUPUI and Kelley School of Business. During my undergraduate program here I have learned many different skills that make me a very valuable candidate for the Kelley School of Business Indianapolis. My main passion is to get a well-paying job after graduation(I hope money is not your only passion. It may come off as greedy...say you want to support your family or something like that to make it seem like money is not your only passion.talk about which job you want breifly..NOT THAT YOU WANT MONEY) . I'd like to talk to you about a few of those skills and what I can learn from the Kelley School of Business.
To get more involved in the field of business I recently did an internship at Leonard McDowell, an IT consulting firm. Working here helped me develop my communication skills. I did a lot of research on the firm's products and services and contacted different clients to set up sales meetings. This internship taught me how to be more confident in a professional environment. Being confident and knowing what you are talking about will help a lot in the future for job interviews. I think to help accomplish a goal also requires the correct environment among peers who share the same values. Hence there is no question that Kelley School of Business only accepts those who have shown that they are capable of living up to what is expected of them. I am very energetic and enthusiastic when it comes to learning about the business environment and I think this attribute will help a lot to learn and develop new skills hopefully in the Kelley School of Business. Therefore if I am surrounded with such like-minded individuals who are as tenacious in their pursuit of knowledge as I am, I have no doubt that I too will succeed by feeding off and contributing to the positive atmosphere and positivity they provide.
I am currently employed at Trendy Phones which sells T-Mobile, Sprint, and Verizon phone services. I am a sales associate and the Tippecanoe store manager at the moment. I am also responsible of recording inventory and making inventory records for the company. When I first began this job I learned how to deal with customers on a daily basis which relates to business ethics in a corporate environment as well. I try my hardest to be energetic and to learn and pick up on things as quickly as possible.take this out and expand on your managment skills...how did you manage your employees?
Education is a very big part of my family. My parents give education the highest priority, they believe to get somewhere in life you have to have quality education. When I was young my family moved here from Hyderabad, India. One of the biggest reason's they decided on this was because of my education. Higher education leads to a better life. They wanted me to have a better education than they did and avoid the struggles in their life because of the lack of education. I really respect them for facing all the obstacles they overcame for me to stay here and provide me with everything I need to get a better education and have a better life. I believe Kelley School of Business Indianapolis would be an excellent portal for me to learn new leadership and communication skills to help me become a better finance major and understand the business world even more.
OP luky78633 1 / 2  
Mar 2, 2013   #3
Thank you! Since its an admission essay can i just write my name in the header Top left of the page? and not include any page numbers right?

I really appreciate your help!
android21 10 / 56 20  
Mar 2, 2013   #4
they do not really care about page numbers and all that "stuff." And if you feel so inclined to put your name you may put it, BUT not in the essay! Good luck, and your essay was nice.
OP luky78633 1 / 2  
Mar 2, 2013   #5
Thank you!

I appreciate your help! turst me youve helped a lot!
formenthos 3 / 20 2  
Mar 12, 2013   #6
1. Drop the opening sentence with your name.
2. Drop the sentence with your current school. App materials show that. If you really want it, include it in the third sentence.
3. You say you're passionate about finance, so thats why you want to learn finance... Stating something doesn't make it true, like the teapot in space. Explain with an example why finance is important to you. Your internship example is on the right track, but thats more of a reinforcement than a realization that you like finance.

4. Don;t talk about your parents valuing education. It's nice that you reflect on that, but really, this is about you and your self assessment. Don't assess your parents.

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