"A strong curriculum in the hospitality management field" - transfer reasons

Hello. I look forward for some help in further improving my essay for my transfer application. Thank you very much for considering your time to edit and correct my essay.

I arrived at Syracuse University as a typical college freshman - eager and excited for a new rigorous academic challenge. During my time at Syracuse, I met new friends and nevertheless enjoyed my time at this school. After a term at Syracuse, I realized the school was not my dream school and the academic standard of the hospitality administration program was slowly declining.

My reasons to transfer are solely based on academics and I seek to attend a school that offers a strong hospitality program which not only provides me an enjoyable college experience, but also a strong curriculum. At Syracuse, I felt a weak academic support from the faculties of the hospitality management program.

I enjoy immersing myself in learning and studying about hospitality management and I believe a transfer is necessary for me to gain the best knowledge on and eventually succeed in the hospitality industry - especially when the dean of Syracuse's College of Human Ecology recently announced about the discontinuation of the hospitality administration program from the class of 2015 and onwards. The discontinuation of the program urged me to transfer to a better school that can motivate and guide me to my next step of life: a career.

I hope to attend a school that offers a strong and rigorous curriculum in the hospitality management field. In the near future, I look forward to gaining more field experiences by studying and working internships abroad in countries such as United Kingdom and France. A transfer will further ignite my passion towards the hospitality industry. I am willing to push myself further and look forward to attending a school that offers a rigorous and challenging hospitality program in an environment with a strong and supportive group of faculties who will aid me into pursuing a career in the growing hospitality industry.

That first paragraph is lifeless. It is just information, no action. It uses a lot of words just to say you have become disenchanted with the program. Express your disenchantment in a single sentence, and get on with the main idea of the essay.

At Syracuse, I felt a weak academic support from the faculties of the hospitality management program.---Maybe it is weak, but it is still distasteful to focus on what was wrong with them. I think you should delete this sentence. Write about your refined interests, your goals and deadlines. What do you hope to accomplish this year? Be specific. Write not about what they lack at that school but instead what YOU WANT TO DO. Know what I mean? Be positive.

strong and rigorous curriculum in the hospitality management field---This is too vague. If you really are interested in rigor, be rigorous by googling around about the faculty members at this school to which you are transferring. See what articles they have written, what books they have written, what they are doing these days. Find out about the professors who will be teaching you, ande write about them + your specific goals.

:-)

I had similar issues with my essay. get straight to your reasons for transferring. Don't narrate your experience of Syracuse i.e. "friends and all", it's cliche. Summarise the reasons in the introduction, elaborate them in the main body and then connect them to longer term goals of your life in the conclusion.