"Struggle in my hopeful soccer"-briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities

college admission extra question

Hey guys, I'm writing this for my college admissions additional questions, this is the draft and I really need it to be cut shorter. Hope I can have your' helps to improve it.

Coming back the US after two months, I was totally ready for my Varsity soccer season. I put myself in a severe training during the whole summer. I played plenty of games in order to gain necessary experiences and skills, and ran almost continuously in each to enhance my stamina. I went to the gym six days per week to train my strength and speed. I was full of hope about the season ahead, with a burning mental and desire since I knew I was already a High School Senior.

But, everything was harsh. As the first year joining school Varsity team, I got a lot of troubles in getting along with the team. The team had a great chemistry with more than twenty American solid players who knew clearly each other as friends, and it was hard for me to be a part of it. I did not gain the favor of the coach, as the tactics and styles he wanted the team to be was so different than any team I have been. I made the team to be a substitutional player. I felt ashamed, as I was so confident and put so much work for this, but ended up with an unexpected result. I tried harder and harder in every practice, and gradually improved myself to be in the team's harmony. I have been giving more chances to get into the field and play, although just about fifteen minutes a game, but I always showed my best and created as many as threats to the opponent's net as possible. Everything seems better day by day, as the team just made the District final, and is ready for State competition. I will keep trying my best to contribute to help the team win the State Champion to have a proud memory of my last High School soccer season.

Marcus, this is not really an effective extra curricular activity to share. An effective extra curricular activity shows how you develop as a person and take joy in participating in the actions that help you to get away from the rigors of your academic life. From the sounds of this essay, that is not what happened in your case. You may want to reconsider the activity you are presenting because normally, the extra curricular activity presented is one that depicts a sense of personal growth through enjoyment or a learning phase for you that is not included in the academic side because it is something that is of interest to you that you do during your spare time. As the prompt indicates you need to explain about one of your extra curricular activities. However, you have to slant that activity into such a piece that shows how you have achieved a semblance of success or self importance because of it. It is not supposed to depict how you are not worthy of something but still aspire to become part of it. Most of the activities presented in this prompt statement indicate happier thoughts and accomplishments. Your current presentation is not like that.