The last chord of the final piece resonated throughout the auditorium as all the bows lifted into the air. After a moment of still, dignified tranquility, the conductor lowered his hands and the crowd burst into applause.
For eight years, I had been fortunate enough to be able to study an instrument that not only enhanced my musical abilities, but also taught me valuable lessons. Although I was reluctant to dive into something that would require immense amount of time dedicated to practicing at the mere age of eight, I accepted the opportunity to begin violin lessons. With every lesson each week, I acquire more than a simple violin lesson. These lessons taught me the meaning of patience, dedication, resilience, diligence, and passion.
Although the last time I would ever hold a violin in public ended with a lift of the bow, the vibrant sound of the violin will never leave my mind.
please help & give some constructive criticism (:
I think its beautifully written! i like the imagry it displays.
Things i suggest you should change (dont have to)
acquired
the crowd burst into applause
immense amount of time dedicated to practicing
help me w/ mine?
The last chord of the final piece resonated throughout the auditorium as the bows lifted into the air. After a moment of dignified tranquility, the conductor lowered his hands and the crowd rose in standing ovation.
Although I was reluctant to dive into something that would require immense amount of time dedicated to practicing at the age of eight, I accepted the opportunity to begin violin lessons that not only enhanced my musical abilities but also taught me valuable lessons. With ever weekly lesson, I acquired more than a simple violin lesson. These lessons taught me the meaning of patience, dedication, resilience, diligence, and passion.
Although the last time I would ever hold a violin in public ended with a lift of the bow, the vibrant sound of the violin will never leave my mind. The violin was my means of creative expression; it was a familiar extension of myself.
I like the new one !
just my opinion but,
it would be better if you write how you gain the "meaning of patience, dedication, resilience, diligence, and passion" and how do you feel about that.
mmm... it's difficult to write about that in a short answer, but I think you can write about your feelings so that they will be able to see your character :) but it's well organized anyway and I like it! I can't write like you, mine is too poetic I guess :(
hope you will kindly give me an advice to mine :D
First, I think you should just make it one paragraph.
Also I noticed you essay is a little over 150 so i suggest you cut "With every lesson each week, I acquire more than a simple violin lesson" and combine it with the next sentence to meet the requirement
I'm not sure about this but "Although the last time I would ever hold a violin" phrase seems to be vague. Why don't you just change it to "the last time I held"? to make it simple and precise
I agree wth aona.
It is beautifully written, but the "meaning of patience, dedication, resilience, diligence, and passion" sounds too general and vague. Maybe you should just write about one lesson you learned from playing violin, (due to the word limit) and make it sound insightful and touching. (:
The last chord of the final piece resonated throughout the auditorium as the bows lifted into the air. After a moment of dignified tranquility, the conductor lowered his hands and the crowd rose in standing ovation.
Although I was reluctant to dive into something that would require immense amount of time dedicated to practicing at the age of eight, I accepted the opportunity to begin violin lessons that not only enhanced my musical abilities but also taught me valuable lessons. With every weekly lesson, I acquired more than a simple violin lesson. These lessons taught me the meaning of patience, dedication, resilience, diligence, and passion.
While the last time I held a violin in public ended with a lift of the bow, the vibrant sound of the violin will never leave my mind. The violin was my means of creative expression; it was a familiar extension of myself.
148 words.
i don't know what to delete so i can elaborate on patience, dedication, resilience, diligence, and passion.
):