I need some feedback on my Study Plan for Canada before I submit it. Constructive criticism is highly appreciated.
I have chosen Canada because...
"I have chosen Canada because of its comprehensive and competitive education system. Canadian universities offer advanced technological facilities and it is a multicultural country. I have chosen the program of Computer Science because I am very interested in computers and technology. My interest in computers started to grow rapidly after 2010 when I got my first very own desktop computer and till this day it intrigues me more and more as I dive deeper into the world of technology. I have always been the tech guy among my friends and family and they would always ask me for suggestions related to computers, smartphones, cameras or any consumer electronics in general. It always made me happy and I'm always up for help. On top of my interests, everyone else suggested me to pursue a career in this field from my mentors to friends to seniors reassuring my decision. My university of choice, Memorial University of Newfoundland, has been ranked at 401-500th best in the world to study Computer Science by Times Higher Education's ranking 2019 and 449th overall by Webometrics University World Rankings. It is one of the best and most affordable public universities in Canada so I've chosen Memorial University's Computer Science.
My educational goal is to get a university degree in Computer Science from a reputable university. With a diversified community, such found in Memorial University, I will gain valuable knowledge and skills that build a strong foundation for my career. Consequently, I will be able to extend my network internationally. Then get a good job when I get back to Bangladesh and complete my dreams of becoming a software engineer.
I'm not pursuing a similar program in Bangladesh because in our country we don't have high ranked universities and the quality of education on my program is poor and outdated. Whereas Canada is one of the best places on earth to get high-quality education with over 25 Canadian universities marking its place among the top 500 best universities in the world. The cost is also affordable, particularly when compared to the US and the UK yet the quality of education is on par. The Co-op program offered at Memorial University will also benefit me at gaining real-world experience at working for a software company. I believe it to be a totally worthy investment for my future.
Based on recent statistics, most graduates from abroad are more likely to get a better job and out-earned those who graduate locally. Getting a bachelor's degree from Memorial University will put me at an advantage at getting better jobs in my country as Canadian degrees are valued well and is highly sought after in Bangladesh. Finishing my study abroad and returning home will help me get a new perspective on culture, language, quality education and a willingness to learn which are very attractive to future employers. It will greatly benefit my career opportunities here in my homeland. Today, most companies prefer recruiting people with diversified and advanced skills and knowledge. They don't mind paying more as long as they can have those who can take their company to an international level. For a successful future, each individual has to present himself with an outstanding qualification and talent that separates him from the mass which I will get in Canada.
My family members (father, mother and younger sister) all live in Bangladesh. All of my close relatives and the majority of my friends are here in Bangladesh. My father will be paying my tuition fees and living expenses for me while I study in Canada. I will try to help him out as I will be able to earn there during vacations and can do some part-time job while studying."
Thanks for reviewing!@HasanZobaer
Hi there!
Welcome to the forum. I'll try to assist you with your essay.
First and foremost, I think that the depth and the composition is well-done. You have provided a comprehensive background of yourself and of your educational standing. You were also quite certain and specific as to why you have chosen this university and the country. What I would only suggest that you attempt to compartmentalize and organize your thoughts more. For instance, you were quite sporadic and all-over-the-place when it came to discussing the benefits of studying in Canada. What you could do perhaps is start of with introducing what is contained in the Bangladeshi educational system before providing a detailed outlook of what Canada's system appears to be in comparison. If you can do this, you'll have side by side approach to the discussion.
Furthermore, I have also noticed that the essay was quite one sided when it comes to providing an overview. It would be helpful if you could give an overview of your experiences in your home country, Bangladesh. If you can retell this, you'll be able to show that you are fully aware of the circumstances and lapses in your country - therefore why you are seeking assistance from Canada. In addition to this, I have observed/noticed that your last paragraph is a bit out of proportion to the rest of the essay. There's no necessity for you to include the information there, considering that your application has to show more of an innate determination and an efficiency to handle the life of being an international student. Bear this in mind as you are writing.
Best of luck in your application.
