Success could be measured by outcome, effects, or the influences one makes

I already wrote an essay but it certainly won't fit in other essay prompt. I wrote another one..

Success could be measured by outcome, effects, or the influences one makes. Simple doings do lead to change, like putting a smile on an orphan's face, be there for an old friend who needs you or to simply treat your younger brother well for a week. These would make a huge effect if made by many, and these are the kind of activities I try to include in my daily life. However, I am aiming at giving the world something to remember me with, and to make a massive accomplishment under a name of a woman, a Saudi Muslim woman.

I have been always a huge fan of Powerpuff Girls when I was younger, and I've always wanted to be the forth Powerpuff. Perhaps I found that cartoon appealing because females were starring in it, and they were the ones responsible of everything. I still want to be a woman super hero, and I believe I can by tackling different issues at the same time. I can correct Islam's misrepresentatives' mistakes just by holding on to my beliefs and beautify my personality by the morals of a Muslim individual, and by satisfying today's needs as much as I am capable of. On the day of 11th of September, 2001, terrorists, whom might be Muslims, gave the world something terrifying for them to remember. I want to give the world something as shocking, only beneficial. This leads me to the next problem: the scarce sources of energy, and saving the environment. I am willing to utilize my education to take a next step toward relying on renewable energy sources. By succeeding in my life goal, it would be a challenge for the issue of women's empowerment, as women would realize that we do not wait for chances to make use of, instead, we make our own chances.

It would require lots of effort and work, as well as the best quality of education which I am going after. I am concerned about the huge dependence on oil in this world, especially in my country. Running out of oil would cause a huge damage in our country's economy, which might send us back to tents and on camels. The major I desire was chosen not only for my affection toward chemistry, but also for the reason that I chose to think about individuals other than myself for a change. Not that I never thought of others, but such a major decision in my life that requires dedication and continuation was never given for the sake of someone else before. I will never consider myself successful if I lived for myself, and I never want to be known for anything but making a positive change in this world.

Thanks for all the help.. This place is amazing

The message of this piece gets lost in the extra verbiage.

For example:
I have been always a huge fan of Powerpuff Girls when I was younger, and I've always wanted to be the forth Powerpuff.

Here "I have always" and "when I was younger" are redundant and also somewhat contradictory, as "when I was younger" is included in "always" but suggests that the wish is past, rather than continuing. Either way, the sentence is repetitive.

Go through the whole piece, setting yourself the challenge of saying only what you absolutely must say in as few words as possible. Post your revision for further feedback.

Yep, verbiage aplenty here. (Isn't "extra verbiage" redundant?) In any event, try to say what you want to say using fewer words. For instance:

Before: "Success could be measured by outcome, effects, or the influences one makes. Simple doings do lead to change, like putting a smile on an orphan's face, be there for an old friend who needs you or to simply treat your younger brother well for a week. These would make a huge effect if made by many, and these are the kind of activities I try to include in my daily life. However, I am aiming at giving the world something to remember me with, and to make a massive accomplishment under a name of a woman, a Saudi Muslim woman."

After: "I try to include in my daily life activities such as putting a smile on an orphan's face, being there for an old friend who needs me, or simply treating my younger brother well. However, while all of these minor action improve the world, I hope to accomplish something bigger with my life."

Do something similar with your other paragraphs, then re-post for more feedback.