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Tell us a story that helps us better understand a person, place, or thing you find inspiring.


adepani3112 5 / 8  
Aug 12, 2016   #1
THERE ARE 2 VERSIONS, please check them both, I can't decide which is better.

1. Being the Prime Minister of India isn't the easiest job in the world. It takes unconceivable hard-work, attentiveness, and commitment to lead 1.252 billion people. When he was little, Narendra Modi used to sell tea at the local train station in Gujarat, India. When his family of eight was short on money, they used to go from house to house cleaning dishes. While helping his family out, Modi studied at Gujarat and Delhi Universities struggling to make ends meet. As my paramount inspiration, Prime Minister Modi and I share one critical factor. That is, our struggle to support of families when we were young. While young Modi had to support his family in India, I had to support mine when we first arrived in America, when I was seven years old. Since my parents weren't proficient in English I supported them through many ways. Helping them get groceries, going job hunting, and signing up for school are just three simple examples out of hundreds. This profound connection allows me to sync with PM Modi and seek valuable life lessons he learned throughout his childhood and to encompass them into mine. With these experiences, I am further help not only my family but also my community in every possible way, just the way Modi is in India. If one needs motivation or inspiration, I would most confidently recommend the story of PM Modi as he knows how to overcome the struggle that lies the in true meaning of life.

OR

2. Imagine this, a poor and underprivileged kid to the leader of the largest democracy in the world! It takes unconceivable hard-work, attentiveness, and commitment to lead 1.252 billion people. When he was little, Narendra Modi used to sell tea at the local train station in Gujarat, India. When his family of eight was short on money, they used to go from house to house cleaning dishes. While helping his family out, Modi studied at Gujarat and Delhi Universities struggling to make ends meet. As my paramount inspiration, Prime Minister Modi and I share one critical factor. That is, our struggle to support of families when we were young. While young Modi had to support his family in India, I had to support mine when we first arrived in America, when I was seven years old. Since my parents weren't proficient in English I supported them through many ways. Helping them get groceries, going job hunting, and signing up for school are just three simple examples out of hundreds. This profound connection allows me to sync with PM Modi and seek valuable life lessons he learned throughout his childhood and to encompass them into mine. With these experiences, I am further help not only my family but also my community in every possible way, just the way Modi is. If one needs motivation or inspiration, I would most confidently recommend the story of PM Modi as he knows how to overcome the struggle that lies the in true meaning of life.

kobayakawa07 8 / 13  
Aug 13, 2016   #2
Hi adepani, Here is my analisis. I hope it is helpful.

1st version:
With these experiences, I am further helphelped seriously not only my family but also ...
I think the way you explain further is not appropriate with 'help' and 'am'

Thank you adepani. correct me if I make mistakes.


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