Thai dancing essay (Important activity and why its important to you.)

Hello, well i took the advice from commentors on EF ( Thanks alot by th way) and i kind of took a new direction on my essay. My ending seems a bit to short and choppping can you please help edit which one of my babies i should cut out and which one i should elaborate on.

Topic:Important activity and why its important to you.

I belong to my Thai Temple's dance team. After each Thai lesson at Wat Buddhavas School I would proceed onto Thai Classical dance class. Being part of the team since the age of eight I have reached a veteran status and succeeded as the leader. Years of practices and performances later our dance team was recognized and invited to dance for the Queen of Thailand's birthday, an extravagant annual affair broadcast on TV. Fame or no fame, Thai dancing remains the most meaningful activity to me, because of the valuable experience accumulated from dancing. Enduring grueling practices making sure the choreography is synchronized and dealing with criticism I have become a more empathically tolerant person. During the anticipated minutes before a show helping each other dress in intricate traditional outfits I experienced the true meaning of teamwork. Thai dancing has led me to see the reality of leadership amongst my members.

Thanks

I think everything else is ok but consider this:
Years of practices and performances later our dance team was recognized and invited to dance for the Queen of Thailand's birthday, an extravagant annual affair broadcast on TV.

"After years of practice and performance, our dance team was recognized and invited to dance for the birthday of the Queen of Thailand, an extravagant annual affair broadcast on TV. "

Being part of the team since the age of eight, I have reached a veteran status and succeeded as the leader.

Enduring grueling practices, making sure the choreography is synchronized and dealing with criticism, I have become a more emphatically tolerant person.

Nice and to the point.

:)

Kevin