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I've got a ticket in my hand. So, I can go anywhere? My choice would be Madagascar.

markus12345 1 / -  
Jan 9, 2018   #1
Prompt: You've got a ticket in your hand - Where will you go? What will you do? What will happen when you get there?

This is my rough draft, I am really not sure if this is good bc I kind of talk down on myself, but I recognize it.

I would want to visit Madagascar

So, I can go anywhere you say? As I close my eyes, endless thoughts race through my mind. I imagine fancy lights, beautiful beaches, and expensive restaurants. These imaginations are fun to think about, but I believe there is a much greater opportunity here.

Don't get me wrong, I would love to visit Dubai and see all the fanciest buildings, cars, and clothes, but I wouldn't truly grow from that. If I had the opportunity, I would want to visit Madagascar.

A few years ago I saw a documentary about Madagascar. Soon after, I read a book and immediately became fascinated by the island's beautiful and diverse wildlife. Madagascar is one of the world's most astounding places on earth due to having over 90% of its wildlife found nowhere else. The blissful environment has remained relatively isolated; therefore, most of the distinct plants and animals remain in the forests. The sight of every valley, mountain, and peaceful valley is enough to make my experience unforgettable. Every day will end with an appreciative gaze into the soul of the Indian Ocean as I listen to the majestic sounds of nature.

My primary motivation for visiting Madagascar is not just to explore nature, but to gain an appreciation for everything that I am blessed with in the United States. As an 18 year old, I still have plenty of maturing to do. Sometimes, I recognize that I can be unappreciative of things that most children around the world don't have. An experience in one of the poorest countries in Africa will help sculpt me into someone who is grateful for all the things I take for granted. I understand that most people won't step outside there comfort zone, but I believe it is essential to growing as a person. I would go to local markets and connect with the people there in order to get a true sense of how their life is different than my own. While I recognize that I am a person who loves flashy cars, expensive clothes, and jewelry, I know I have to mature. My hope is that I will become more aware of the world around me and see first-hand that it is a privilege to have air conditioning, shopping malls, a car, and running water.

Our perception of a perfect person is someone who is understanding, smart, and open-minded to new ideas. No single person is perfect, nonetheless, the effort put into becoming perfect is what make a person extraordinary. I know I am not close to being ideal, however, I frequently challenge myself because I've learned that whether I fail or succeed, it is in the attempt that takes me closer to being extraordinary. Madagascar will fulfill my dreams of seeing the beauty in nature. Most importantly, I believe it will give me a new lens to look at the world. A lens that gives me a deeper awareness about the differences in opportunities for people who grow up less fortunate.

Holt - / 7,580 2001  
Jan 9, 2018   #2
Markus, surely you can be more adventurous than this. If Madagascar is so special to you then you should be able to mention a few specific adventures that you can embark on when you go there. Be more specific. Mention actual places, the activities done there and how that might challenge an aspect of your character, be it a logical side, an adventurous side, or a social side. Explain how you expect this trip to challenge you and help you improve your personality and abilities by the time you start attending college. Don't be so generic and safe in your explanation. The prompt is asking you to take a risk, be it on paper or screen, it is a chance that you should take. Make it exciting, interactive, eye-opening. Present an adventure of a lifetime that the reviewer will read and say "Wow! This is a one of a kind student I've got applying here. I better remember his application." Right now, that "Wow" factor is too weak in your presentation.

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