"Traces of my diffidence" - letter to roommate

any comments/suggestions will be helpful! please criticize!

Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate - and us - know you better.

Hey ROOMIE,

I'll admit, when I found out that you were coming from abroad, I was scared. It's just that you're a treasure trove of cultural awareness, and I'm, well, some random girl from the suburbs of Texas.

I guess I've always been pretty self-conscious. I remember when I won the spelling bee in fourth grade (yes, that's right; I beat out those elitist fifth graders). I probably should've been basking in my glory, but instead, as the principal prepared to present my award, tiny cocoons were hatching exponentially in my stomach. The only thing running through my head was, "What will the crowd think when he tries to pronounce my middle name?" It's Y'Tram, pronounced [ee-tchum], for future reference. I get a lot of different reactions from it, mainly questions about whether it's supposed to by "yttrium" or if it's pronounced "why-tram." I used to curse my parents for giving me a middle name that sounded more like the Latin word for that one bug you couldn't identify in science class, but though I used to be particularly insecure, people as diverse as you are remind me that my middle name is my own stamp of cultural identity. Through humiliation I learned self-respect and modesty, and I learned to gain an appreciation for the personal uniqueness my name gives me.

Traces of my diffidence may show through sometimes, but don't worry, because I'm sure that once I learn about your diverse background and once you get to know about mine, you'll find that we can bridge the barrier between our cultural differences to forge an everlasting friendship. Speaking of, we should go fountain hopping. Or we could just hang around Oval Park. Your call. See you Saturday?

Sincerely,

Your future roommate

Hahahaha this is awesome! (I'm also trying to answer the same Stanford prompt!)

The focus on feeling "embarrassed" by success is awesome-- and also extremely relatable.


Possible run-on sentence-- the part about the bug in science class is clever. I would end the sentence at "science class" and then make a new sentence about how you are now grateful for having such a unique name, etc.


Is humiliation the right word? Perhaps a better way to phrase this is "Eventually, my embarrassment in the face of recognition was transformed into self-respect and modesty..."

tiny cocoons were hatching exponentially in my stomach.--- haha weird, I like it!

I want you to give the essay a vitamin. What I mean is that I want it to have something added that will make it more meaningful. For example, what does this cultural observation have to do with the subjects that interest you? Or, can you make a connection between this concept and your life interest, your life plan? What is important to you?

See, if something is important to you in life, it will somehow be related to everything you do, including this essay. So make a connection between this cool letter and your life's aspirations... or your philosophy or attitude toward college.

:-)