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'Transitioning into a young adult' - Common APP



angelserenite 9 / 13  
Dec 29, 2011   #1
Should I use this as my Common APP? (I'm doing topic of choice)

Adolescence opens the inconspicuous door of introspection through which one's vicissitudes are no longer merely memories of tribulations and mirth, but also fundamental experiences that forge one's identity. Through my mother's death, guardian's manipulation, and grandfather's guidance, I matured into a strong, young woman who aspires to ameliorate the lives of people in impoverished nations as a teacher and medic.

I vaguely remember that morose funeral ten years ago when some men lowered the ebony coffin that carried my mother's lifeless body, and I carried the stoic charade, encasing my emotions whilst throwing flowers onto the coffin like a game. That night, the pillow carried more than a single devastated and angry tear, the catharsis and emotional turmoil over the loss of a loved one. Through the subsequent years, this experience strengthened me as I undertook maternal responsibilities and realized that, even without a mother, I could grow into an accomplished, erudite woman and use my experiences to expand my narrow perspective to understand to the very mundane tribulations of others. I no longer dwelled on the past that only diminishes my morale, but viewed my vicissitude in a positive light that taught perseverance through distressing circumstances and gratitude for blessings of education, health, and family.

As my uncle elucidated my guardian's extortion of money from my father, the realization of Eunice's manipulation sank into me. Eunice, my trusted guardian, would convince my four male siblings and me that my father's actions were ludicrous, manipulating our emotions and distorting our image of him. Thus, I carried a misconstrued, insidious perspective of adults. Then, my subsequent guardian, my grandfather who is a missionary, taught me to live veraciously and that although people can be perfidious, we must forgive them for humans are imperfect. Through his sagacious guidance, my perspective changed positively, and I learned not to be negatively influenced by the secular world, but to positively influence others with my life.

The crippled, cadaverous man with sunken eyes held the comforting hands of the nun. Below the picture, I read the name "Mother Theresa". After reading her biography in fourth grade, I was inspired by her dedication to destitute people. I aspire to ameliorate the lives of people in impoverished nations likewise only as a teacher and medic for I want to share my blessings of education and health that will be of asset to these people who receive little or lack education and medical treatment. I believe that I can relate to these people who had experienced loss or felt betrayed, and be inspiring teacher and a suitable mother figure to the children.

Transitioning into a young adult, I struggled without a mother, but this unfortunate circumstance, as well as my other vicissitudes, strengthened me to become a compassionate, erudite, persevering woman and veered my aspirations toward ameliorating the lives of people in impoverished nations, especially by desiring to become a teacher and medic. For some, this might sound far-fetched and absurd, but as humans, our experiences constitute our identities and aspirations. If I identify my aspirations and pursue it, I will accomplish what was once a dream "A posse ad esse"- from possibility to actuality.

carochoi 3 / 22  
Dec 29, 2011   #2
This was a very powerful essay. It shows many stages of your life, and you chose to take the better route through the guidance of your grandfather. If this is the essay that you feel most strongly about, it should be the one to show the universities. Great job!
arbrelibre 5 / 24  
Dec 29, 2011   #3
Very powerful essay. I agree with Carolynn in saying that there is little that needs fixing. I would definitely send this as my Common App essay if I were you. I'd also recommend just reading it aloud once more to ensure there aren't any little awkward smidgens you'd like to fix. There may be one or two sentences that need tweaking, but other than that this is very very good.

Good luck with your applications!

Mind going over my Feminism essay?


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