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Essay Type C, impact on your life (my literature teacher)



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Nov 10, 2009   #1
Everyone has someone who has an impact on his/her life. I have plenty of examples. Unfortunately, another point is that, some of them were an example of who not to be. I want to tell my own story about person who pushed me when inevitable impasse reached, who changed my view of this world. I am grateful to my destiny that came across with this teacher at an early age.

When I pronounce her name, at one stroke I remember unforgettable memories from the past. The most important thing is that she was an literature teacher. She was a kind of mankind who spreads positive energy everywhere, even in situations when others surrendered and without any hope.

In school we meet with professional trainers, communicate with other students and gain knowledge. Recently, I thought teachers should hold neutral, it is general statement. In contrast, she changed my point of view. As a consequence of above written I developed discussion skills and altered written argument. And she prompted me to be hard-working, polite and to not spoil. One point is that she was a fighter from the inside. She taught me how to love my motherland heavily.

She gives up so much for me I am everlastingly grateful. The great Kazakh philosopher Abay said: "Be legible in your route, if you talented - be proud and like reliable brick lie on the wall which builds your future". Briefly, all of us must find our place in our life. She navigated me to the right path. Now, I realize all people around me are affecting my life in some ways. Some in positive, others in negative way. I confess their help.

"Knowledge - is like digging a well by means of a needle", - said Abay. I strongly agree with him. And support his position. Undoubtedly, my teacher takes care of us, she helped to look inside of our souls.

Of course, I honor teachers. They spend their time with students, they like architects of our life, main pushing force of science. When I see gifted individual, I think of proverb "Like teacher, like pupil".

My teacher is still impacting my life up to this days.

Is it ok?

mazumderj 2 / 7  
Nov 10, 2009   #2
I think the substance of your essay is fine, I can see how much you are grateful to your teacher.
The problem is, it lacks focus. Your ideas seem to be all over the place with a bit here, and another bit over there. Maybe if you could gather up one paragraph into describing your teacher, another paragraph on what the teacher did for you, and a third paragraph on how that influence has helped you to become who you are right now. Perhaps you could use the philosopher's words either to begin or end the essay - like sum it up, you know?

I know this is kind of general, but I hope it helps. Good luck!
OP mail 1 / 1  
Nov 11, 2009   #3
Thanks! But I do not now how to start!!!
Kelsey1704 4 / 26  
Nov 11, 2009   #4
Just some thoughts...

Everyone has someone who has an impact on his/her life.
I would cut this. Of course everyone has someone who has impacted their life. Otherwise they wouldn't be asking the question.

I have plenty of examples. Unfortunately, another point is that, some of them were an example of who not to be. I want to tell my own story about person who pushed me when inevitable impasse reached, who changed my view of this world. I am grateful to my destiny that came across with this teacher at an early age.

Everything about this sentence reads awkwardly. I would make a specific suggestion, but honestly don't even know what you are really trying to say.

When I pronounce her name, at one stroke I remember unforgettable memories from the past. The most important thing is that she was an literature teacher. She was a kind of mankind who spreads positive energy everywhere, even in situations when others surrendered and without any hope.

Again...awkward. Maybe something like: "Mrs. Smith. Just the sound of my freshman literature teacher's name evokes memories of _____ and ______."

In school we meet with professional trainers, communicate with other students and gain knowledge. Recently, I thought teachers should hold neutral, it is general statement.

???

In contrast, she changed my point of view. As a consequence of above written
Your readers won't have time to go back and review your previous paragraphs. Make your transitions clear from paragraph to paragraph.

I developed discussion skills and altered written argument. And she prompted me to be hard-working, polite and to not spoil. One point is that she was a fighter from the inside. She taught me how to love my motherland heavily.

Instead of listing here, try giving us specific examples. I would prefer to read about how you developed discussion skills. How does a literature teacher teach you to be polite? That's the stuff I want to know.

She gives up so much for me I am everlastingly grateful. The great Kazakh philosopher Abay said: "Be legible in your route, if you talented - be proud and like reliable brick lie on the wall which builds your future". Briefly, all of us must find our place in our life. She navigated me to the right path. Now, I realize all people around me are affecting my life in some ways. Some in positive, others in negative way. I confess their help.

"Knowledge - is like digging a well by means of a needle", - said Abay. I strongly agree with him. And support his position. Undoubtedly, my teacher takes care of us, she helped to look inside of our souls.

Of course, I honor teachers. They spend their time with students, they like architects of our life, main pushing force of science. When I see gifted individual, I think of proverb "Like teacher, like pupil".

My teacher is still impacting my life up to this days.

I don't know. We hear more about the teacher than we do about you, and yet you still don't tell us enough about the teacher for her to be anything but a flat character in your life story. My other suggestion would be to really work on your word choice, and the result is an awkward read.


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