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UChicago essay #1, "desire for particular type of learning" - prestige, name?



mmcnulty25 2 / 4  
Sep 11, 2012   #1
UChicago Supplement Essay #1
How does the University of Chicago, as you know it now, satisfy your desire for a particular type of learning, community, and future? Please address with some specificity your own wishes and how they relate to UChicago. Please respond by writing a paragraph or two.

My entire life, I have had a thirst for knowledge, a desire to learn. While other pre-schoolers drew pictures, I wrote out numbers. While other kids learned the alphabet, I was already reading. By seven, I could do more advanced math that than most fifth graders. In eighth grade, I took math at the high school. Through all of high school, I have taken every AP, honors, and college-level class available. Now as a senior, I have run out of math classes to take and will be taking Calculus II online. Even after seventeen years, I am as parched as ever. As one of the most prestigious and rigorous universities in the country, I know without a doubt that the University of Chicago is exactly what I need. Though my thirst will never be quenched, my hope is that Chicago can wet my whistle -- just a little bit. In my life-long quest for educational enlightenment, I wish not only to draw from the well of the classroom but also immerse myself in the reservoir of knowledge that is the student body. There is is some learning that can only be done through discussion and debate between peers -- just as "iron sharpens iron; scholar, the scholar" (William Drummond). Right now, my mind is nothing more than a hammer -- powerful yet blunt. At Chicago, I hope to sharpen it to a sword able to gracefully cut and slash through even the most difficult of obstacles that life has to throw my way. And in my sharpening, I hope to spar with some of the sharpest swords that America has to offer.

I consider myself to be an ambitious person, and as such, I have several major goals in terms of my education: to attend a great college, to go get into graduate school, and to get an education that will not only prepare me for an interesting and fulfilling job but also help satisfy my never-ending desire for learning in all areas of study. What do all of these have in common? The University of Chicago can help me reach each of them. So I want to attend a great college? The University of Chicago is consistently recognized as one of the best colleges in the country. So I was to get into graduate school? The liberal arts curriculum at Chicago is great preparation for any graduate program. So I want to get an education that will not only prepare me for an interesting and fulfilling job but also help satisfy my never-ending desire for learning in all areas of study? The "Chicago Trained Mind" is exactly what employers in any field are looking for, and the Chicago curriculum allows for students to study extensively and thoughtfully in just about every area imaginable. So why do I want to go to Chicago? For the prestige? For the name? No, and no. What I truly want from the University of Chicago is the learning, community, and future I know it has to offer.

I just want to thank everybody in advance for your thoughts and criticisms!

tanvi3595 3 / 8  
Sep 17, 2012   #2
Good Job Michael!! to still make it better I would say:-
Well I think may be the structuring could have been done better...in your essay you have been a little repetitive! At several instances I realized that you jumped from one idea to another and then returned back to it!

Another point I noticed is that the excessive usage of questions to explain your point is not really the best way to write an essay! It became quite lengthy I can say..to read the question, your answer and understand the meaning of what you wanted to convey!

Remember, the admissions office receives thousands of applicants! they may not spend much time on one essay and give it just one reading!

All the best! :)

P.S. :- I too am applying to this university for the next year's fall semester!
OP mmcnulty25 2 / 4  
Sep 20, 2012   #3
Thanks for the reply. I really appreciate the feedback.

Which sections did you find it repetitive and see idea-jumping?

And yeah, I felt the same way after reading it but was still a little on the fence about it. Thanks for pushing me off! Do you feel it'd be an improvement to keep:

"I consider myself to be an ambitious person, and as such, I have several major goals in terms of my education: to attend a great college, to go get into graduate school, and to get an education that will not only prepare me for an interesting and fulfilling job but also help satisfy my never-ending desire for learning in all areas of study. What do all of these have in common? The University of Chicago can help me reach each of them."

and
"So why do I want to go to Chicago? For the prestige? For the name? No, and no. What I truly want from the University of Chicago is the learning, community, and future I know it has to offer."

And remove the rest of the questions while keeping the indicative portions of the section and adding sentence variety to make it less choppy?

Again, thanks for the help.
I'll be sure to return the favor soon!
tanvi3595 3 / 8  
Sep 21, 2012   #4
well!! I think you've got my point more or less..
and u've been emphasising on the "learning" part quite frequently so I felt it was a lil repetitive....

Basically,you can be more creative in telling them how you can use this learning and how exactly will it benefit u in the later life!!


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