UIUC Transfer - Life is a like a game of cards

In an essay of 300 words or less, explain your motivation to transfer from your current/previous institution to Illinois and how your academic interests and/or professional goals will be fulfilled in your intended program of study.

Game of Cards

I've come to relate life to a card game in which we must heavily assess the hand we're dealt and be wise in playing them to our advantage. I never realized that I was losing opportunity when I decided to play my cards wrong for four years straight, and it never did hit me until I observed the joy of hard work paying off in eyes that were not mine. Stanford, Michigan, and Illinois t-shirts bombarded the hallways on the last day of classes, and I was wearing a shirt of a school that I was not sure I'd even be attending. My lack of focus landed me in a mess of a situation in which I had two cards left to play, and I decided to attend Lewis University. The summer following my senior year was a very introspective time for me, I completely reassessed the four years that preceded, trying to pinpoint a reason why I didn't possess the joy that my peers had. It boiled down to the realization that I never had a goal to work toward, so I set one for myself, and it was to transfer to a school that I was proud of and selected not because it was the only institution that let me in, but because I felt that the culture of the establishment is one that I would be able to flourish in. It was then that for the first time in a long time I possessed a focus, and I began to play the game right. I believe Illinois will be an academic and intellectually challenging experience for me that will result in peak personal growth and placement at a consulting firm that will allow me to help other people play their cards right.

Malik, your transfer essay uses a very imaginative analogy for your reason for wanting to transfer universities. The strength of your essay does not lie in the flowery words that you use, but rather in your realization that you are in charge of your future. The fact that you acknowledged an academic shortcoming by saying that you attended a college because it was the only one that let you in, then turning it into a positive by using it as an inspiration to go to a school of your choice for specific reasons, gives yourself an image of a determined student who knows how to direct his life and how he plans to make it happen. There are only 2 weak points that I found in the essay and those 2 have grammar related problems. It does not, in any way, shape, or form, affect the strong explanation you present in the statement.

I never realized that I was losing opportunity OPPORTUNITIES
- Use the plural form of the word because you came to this realization after attending your current university for a number of years.

Stanford, Michigan, and Illinois t-shirts bombarded the hallways on the last day of classes OF MY OLD HIGH SCHOOL
-You have to add a subject to the sentence in order for it to make sense and have meaning in the context of your thoughts.

One final note. You don't really need to add this line at the end:

I believe Illinois will be an academic and intellectually challenging experience for me that will result in peak personal growth and placement at a consulting firm that will allow me to help other people play their cards right .

It is a statement that does not relate to the prompt provided and only removes the attention of the reviewer from the actual reasons that you have for your transfer. The sentence that you wrote should instead be placed in a personal statement that accompanies this application.

Thank you so much, that's exactly what the aim of my essay was and its how I feel when I wake up and when I go to bed. It's a realization that I neglected because I expected things to just work out in my favor, it wasn't until I experienced some of the greatest failures in my life that I realized I would need to work hard in order to earn happiness and satisfaction. I will make the necessary edits.