I need help cutting down 8 words... Thanks!
Will critique back!
Essay #1 (Everyone belongs to many different communities and/or groups. Choose one of the communities to which you belong, and describe that community and your place within it.
During my second year as a rower, I was in the same boat with Grace, Eve and Milly; they were all novices. It was windy during our first day on the water. Scared, Milly could not coordinate her legs and arms. I asked the coxswain to have us start rowing by the bow pair. "Arms pull, back leans backward, legs push," I broke down the motions by parts, and asked Milly to follow me. And I did the same demonstrations for Grace and Eve.
We developed an unparalleled team spirit. We ergged together, ran together and even swam in the river together. Whether under the scorching sun or pouring rain, I was the cheerleader, and always pushed my boat-mates to go beyond their limits. Starting as a sixth boat, we gradually moved up to the third boat. I was excited to enter our ranking race with the soon - to - be fourth boat, and proposed to move our from 30 to a 33 after 2/3 of the course.
"3, 2, 1, ready, go!"
Our seats are sliding, our oars pushing through the waves. Grace is in the stern, and she controls the stroke rate. Eve is in the bow, and she is probably soaked. I have to focus on Milly's motions in order to set mine in unison. We are not four; we are one. The more coordinated we are, the smoother this boat will be. I am rowing; I am also gliding on the water. I am not just in the boat - I am the boat.
Happy new year everyone :)
Will critique back!
Essay #1 (Everyone belongs to many different communities and/or groups. Choose one of the communities to which you belong, and describe that community and your place within it.
During my second year as a rower, I was in the same boat with Grace, Eve and Milly; they were all novices. It was windy during our first day on the water. Scared, Milly could not coordinate her legs and arms. I asked the coxswain to have us start rowing by the bow pair. "Arms pull, back leans backward, legs push," I broke down the motions by parts, and asked Milly to follow me. And I did the same demonstrations for Grace and Eve.
We developed an unparalleled team spirit. We ergged together, ran together and even swam in the river together. Whether under the scorching sun or pouring rain, I was the cheerleader, and always pushed my boat-mates to go beyond their limits. Starting as a sixth boat, we gradually moved up to the third boat. I was excited to enter our ranking race with the soon - to - be fourth boat, and proposed to move our from 30 to a 33 after 2/3 of the course.
"3, 2, 1, ready, go!"
Our seats are sliding, our oars pushing through the waves. Grace is in the stern, and she controls the stroke rate. Eve is in the bow, and she is probably soaked. I have to focus on Milly's motions in order to set mine in unison. We are not four; we are one. The more coordinated we are, the smoother this boat will be. I am rowing; I am also gliding on the water. I am not just in the boat - I am the boat.
Happy new year everyone :)
