university essay admission: A journey towards what I am made of

This is a university application essay which have to be shorten to 2000 characters.

This section is an opportunity for you to elaborate on the information you have provided earlier. You may discuss a special talent, a personal experience or an activity that you have been involved in that is relevant to the course you are applying for admission.

As your essay is limited to only 2000 characters, do present your ideas in a focused and thoughtful manner.

It is through participating MOE teaching internship that I re-affirm the vocation in my life: teaching Economics. I had chosen Economics as my main teaching subject, and was assigned to conduct foundation lessons based on an out-dated textbook. As I was not offered Economics in Secondary School, it was definitely a challenge. However, my determination to succeed outweighs the seemingly daunting task, and I went for consultation to learn how contents are brought across effectively to students. Understanding their needs, I have translated wordy text into more straightforward points. To enhance their understanding of the chapter, I have hand-drawn mind maps to draw the connections. As Economics is an extremely applicable subject, drawing connections to relevant and modern examples to improve their understanding. It has been a daunting task, but with my initiatives and the ability to thrive on challenges, I have triumphed. Ironically, during my internship, my students have helped me to discover my purpose in life. I aspire to learn more, to provide them with better response; becoming a better mentor for them. I am confident that my willingness to learn ensures my commitment to Economics studies over the 4 years. On my last day of work, I treated my students to pizzas, I was overwhelmed when I witnessed them hunting for leftover crumbs after their first serving. I felt that I was willing to spare my serving to feed them. From there, I reckoned that I am an individual who is willing to sacrifice for the betterment of others. I am certain that this quality will help to produce a ripple effect to what I gained; to bring the understanding of Economics to deprived parts of the world from the education I received. Getting admitted into NUS would not only fulfil my ambition, but many generations' to come because I will an investment towards solving some of very crucial global issues like ignorance and illiteracy. I hope that this personal statement supports my application and demonstrate that I am a disciplined and hardworking student with a key interest in Economics who enjoy contributing to all aspects of university life.

Hi,

What works here is how you mention overcoming the challenges that came with the job. That makes you come off as a strong, self-sufficient individual.

At the moment, I see that you enjoy the challenges that come with teaching. I'm not seeing, however, your passion for economics. What is it about economics that you enjoy? Did it spark from the students? That needs to be mentioned as you say in your first sentence that your vocation in life is teaching economics, and not teaching in general.

I know there is a 2,000 character limit on here, so that means you'll have to make some cuts to include your passion for economics. I would consider cutting the bit about buying the pizza for your students and watching them scramble over the last crumbs. It is touching and it shows you have compassion, but it doesn't relate to what you have established previously. If your vocation in life was to start a non-profit organization that gave food to those less fortunate, then that would be a great point to make. If you want to make the point about sacrifice, I would consider mentioning the large amount of time that you had to put in for lesson planning, teacher/board meetings, student conferences, etc.

I hope this feedback serves you well. Best wishes.

Thank you. I have make the necessary changes,please check.

It is through participating MOE teaching internship that I re-affirm the vocation in my life: teaching Economics. I had chosen Economics as my main teaching subject, and was assigned to conduct foundation lessons based on an out-dated textbook. As I was not offered Economics in Secondary School, it was definitely a challenge. However, my determination to succeed outweighs the seemingly daunting task, and I went for consultation to learn how contents are brought across effectively to students. Understanding their needs, I have translated wordy text into more straightforward points. To enhance their understanding of the chapter, I have hand-drawn mind maps to draw the connections. As Economics is an extremely applicable subject, drawing connections to relevant and modern examples improves their understanding. It has been a daunting task, but with my initiatives and the ability to thrive on challenges, I have triumphed. Ironically, during my internship, my students have helped me to discover my purpose in life. I aspire to learn more, to provide them with better response; becoming a better mentor for them. I am confident that my willingness to learn ensures my commitment to Economics studies over the 4 years. Undoubtedly as I search for better answers, my passion for Economics is afresh upon discovering new links between issues, and how intricately economics issues weave between each other. It is definitely a subject which offers endless discovery and revelation. To me, Economics is likened to chocolate, it comforts my nerves yet I can never get enough of the thrill it brings. Economics has integrated into my life, I constantly find myself indulging in the use of economic terms in daily conversations; I even volunteered to attend the Annual JC Economics Seminar to be informed of Singapore's economic outlook. My passion for Economics has ensured that I impart my knowledge as much as possible to the extent that I become an investment for the greater good.

Overall, you write well. I just have few changes
It is through participating MOE teaching internship that( a comma) I re-affirm the vocation in my life: teaching Economics. I had chosen Economics as my main teaching subject, (no comma here) and was assigned to conduct foundation lessons based on an out-dated textbook. As I was not offered Economics in Secondary School, it was definitely a challenge(this part lacks clarity. You'd better rework) . However, my determination to succeed outweighs the seemingly daunting task, and I went for consultation to learn how contents are brought across effectively to students. Understanding their needs, I have translated wordy textS into more straightforward points.