University App - Kyushu - continue my study overseas

1. Why would you like to study at the School of Engineering, Kyushu University? (Max: 500 words)

My goal after successfully getting into the second best public school in Jakarta is to continue my study overseas. After IGCSE, I planned to study in Sydney, Australia for a foundation programme. Unfortunately, I had to turn down the acceptance offer because of financial reasons. Senior year comes, and my goal is still up there. So, I started to do an internet research on several Japanese universities which belong to the National Seven Universities, because there is no doubt each one of these universities is globally reputable and the output of the student itself is excellent.

Out of the blue, I stumbled upon this blog ------, a blog of an Indonesian student studying in Kyudai's G30 program. He posted every activity he has done in Kyudai. The first thing that caught my attention is Kyudai provides so many field trips, which shows a balance of theory and practical works on its curriculum. This is something that I am in pursuit of in my educational goal.

Engineering program in Kyushu University offers an Applied Chemistry course which I am interested in since I want to contribute to provide an environmental-friendly industry in this world. I believe by studying liberal arts subjects such as Economics, Law, and Global Issues in the first and a half-year will benefit me since it will provide me with a strong stance to be a global engineer and prepare me to get involved in world organization. Kyushu University also provides a wide range of laboratories in both Functional and Molecular material class which will enable me to explore chemistry deeply thus I will gain technical skills and knowledge, which is useful for my future.

Moreover, Kyushu University provides a friendly environment for its international students which will help me in adapting with the campus life in the university. And also, I believe by having wide varieties of friends I could expand my international networks which will significantly affect my future professional career to improve and transform our environment for the better.

Hello talisca17,

Here's my suggestion.
In my opinion, your answer still cannot convince me enough. You need to elaborate more on 'why you want to attend this school.' Try to be as specific, rather than be broad.

I did feel that some of your sentences do not strengthen your answer, for example,


And, the final thing is you should pay more attention to grammar. Some of your sentences can be combined and more concise.

Hope this help :)