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University of Technology Sydney - Study plan for Australia visa


loan1210 1 / -  
May 26, 2019   #1

Australia is perfect for the international students



My name is Thi Ngoc Loan Nguyen, I'm 18 years old and I graduated from Tien Giang High School For The Gifted.
I think Australia is a suitable place for me to study university because Australia is a developed country and well-known as the best country for the international students. The government of Australia cares about the living of international students, provides an array of convenient conditions and makes sure about their security when they are studying in there. Furthermore, the system of transportation and the climate in Australia are both terrific. Especially, the education of Australia has high quality.

I am going to attend University of Technology Sydney ( UTS Insearch ). UTS is located in central city with the modern facilities and equipment. Additionally, technology is the strong point of UTS and the Communication course is in accordance with my requirements. Before I study Diploma of Communication, I will take the two-months English course which begins on July 1st, 2019 so as to improve my academic English and get use to the environment of university . In the Communication course, I will learn about "soft skills" as creativity, interpersonal communication skills, the ability to the problem solve and to work well in collaboration.

After I complete the Bachelor of Communication, I will come back to Viet Nam in order to continue to pursue my dream. I want to be a lecturer in Viet Nam 's university, teach what I can learn from developed country to the younger generation and impulse the development of Communication in Viet Nam.

Please point out my mistakes in this essay and give me some your ideas . I'm very grateful .

chanyinyui 2 / 6 1  
May 26, 2019   #2
it would be better if you could join your sentences together. This could make your sentence longer.

e.g. I am going to attend University of Technology Sydney ( UTS Insearch ), which is located in central city with the modern facilities and equipment.

it seems that you use a lot of 'I', you can make some changes in those sentences.

e.g. learning about "soft skills" could improve my creativity, interpersonal communication skills, the ability to the problem solve and to work well in collaboration
Maria [Contributor] - / 487 214  
May 27, 2019   #3
@loan1210
Hi there!

Let's look through your essay in terms of content; and I hope I can provide you with valuable feedback.

First and foremost, I suggest that you try to be more cautious of the composition, structure, flow, and outline of your essay. All of these factors influence the output you have. Given that you are applying as an international student, I recommend that you start the essay through giving your educational background, prospects you have for your career, and then touching a bit of the information you have about your country. Doing all of this will cover the fundamental bases that you need to discuss in the process. This will give you more structure to follow - and will help you create a less cluttered essay.

Secondly, I think it's great that you've discussed why you have chosen this university and the program! I suggest trying to incorporate more specific details into this. Doing this will enable you to showcase more interest in being part of the program.

Finally, don't be afraid to expound on details! Why do you want to teach in Vietnam? Why do you want to become a lecturer in this particular university? How will Australia and the university you had applied for contribute to your endeavors? Remember that if you can make this personalized and intimate, it will help your essay have more depth.

Best of luck in your writing; and good luck with your plans!


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