Visual art, Wellesley College; 'my future is ensured'

Visual art is one of my first interests that have influenced my current decisions. With the support of my parents, I have been involved in the field of art all my life. Starting out with Safari Animals coloring book and continue on with pencil sketching. My parents are very considerate, and always give me space and quiet when I am drawing or painting. My cousin, Tammy, also play a large influence in my life. Because of the influence of my cousin who exposed me the world of three-dimensional design, I have realized that there is another field of art call architecture. Architecture combines both of the activities I love the most; two dimensional drawings, and constructing crafty projects. My experience from the first architecture class has made me realize that architecture is the field I want to pursue.

Wellesley College will help me pursue what I love most, by allowing me to explore the world of architecture and its related fields in a familiar atmosphere like that of my hometown. The college's campus is beautiful with a near by picturesque lake, grassy pastures and lovely forest; an architectural statement itself. I also like the small and cozy classroom size, where it is easier to interact with the professors and in turn, understanding the materials better. I will be able to succeed academically while achieving the knowledge and training best for my major. I believe that architecture is more than an art form, but it has the qualities to bring people together. I am sure that the influence of a close community relationship demonstrated at Wellesley College, I will learn how to design housing for communities that would make a difference in others' lives. At Wellesley College, my future is ensured because of the impressive academic resources and high-tech facilities that the undergraduate institution offers to its students.

This essay needs more focus. What exactly is the prompt? You start out writing about your academic interests, then mention people who influenced you, then talk about which field you want to pursue, then talk about why you want to attend Wellesley. I'm guessing the prompt really only wanted you to talk about one of these. Even if the prompt does ask you to cover all of those topics in one reply, you should decide which one you want to focus on and subordinate all of the other details to that element of your essay.