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'volunteering in Africa and engineering' - most appealing about Columbia and why?



kanyeki 1 / 2  
Oct 20, 2012   #1
kindly help review my answer to the prompt above.

My search for a college that will not only impart me with knowledge but also lifelong skills ended at Columbia. The main thing that makes Columbia my top choice school is the five year program that is offered. Ever since I can remember I have not only wanted to pursue an engineering course but also study economics, however in my country Kenya I can only study one degree concentration at a time. Columbia university will offer me a chance to pursue both of my interests by studying engineering for four years and economics for one additional year. I also find the core curriculum particularly appealing, as Columbian engineer I will not only acquire scientific knowledge in an institution that is second to one, but the will also be inculcated with values that should drive scientific innovation. I also find the core curriculum appealing since I will have a chance to study French as an elective for a foreign language. Having studied in Kenya the only two available languages to study in our curriculum is English and Swahili. Columbia engineers without borders initiative is one of the other thing I find most appealing about Columbia, having taught high school students at school in my home village after I graduated from high school, I have a chance to continue with my volunteer activity but now on a global scale by volunteering in Africa. This is a rare opportunity as I would have a chance to give back to society using in a more specialized capacity.

Typhaze 1 / 2  
Oct 20, 2012   #2
Overall great essay, kanyeki.
I just have a problem with the last sentence
This is a rare opportunity as I would have a chance to give back to society using in a more specialized capacity.
"This" has to be followed by a noun or pronoun. maybe say "The absence of the borders initiative would be a rare opportunity as I would have a chance to give back to society in a more specialized capacity."
hudashahid1 2 / 3  
Oct 20, 2012   #3
Very Good Essay!!! The ending sentence just revise that and yo'ull be perfect. Columbia is a Very good University and I hope you get selected! Best of Luck!
ramenbowl95 5 / 8  
Oct 20, 2012   #4
I found your essay to be really well written. It shows the traits you have along with your hunger for the school. Good luck!
memercedes 4 / 12  
Oct 21, 2012   #5
Good job! As ramenbowl95 says, it really shows "your hunger for the school". Even better, you as a person manages to come across article! However, there're several repeat of words like "appealing", fixing which will make your article even better.


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