Prompt: Imagine looking through a window at any environment that is particularly significant to you. Reflect on the scene, paying close attention to the relation between what you are seeing and why it is meaningful to you. Please limit your statement to 300 words.
Boom. An unknown object bounces off the second floor window, interrupting what had been an oddly humorous debate over the existence of God with my atheist friend. Glancing outside, I see a group of students playing jackpot with what I assume to be the unknown object. After identifying the source of the commotion, I relax and let my eyes glaze over. The sun's dazzling rays strike the pond at different angles and create light show on the nearest wall; the fountain's spray majestically dances in the breeze. A group of students sprawled out in the sun with a picnic cloth spread over the grass. In a school with one of the largest graduating classes in the nation and a demography of around 50% non-white, I would rather have it no other way. At Plano East Senior High, not all of our students have wealthy parents, but neither are we all poor; we have no concept of discrimination in race or color because here, or majority is the world's minority. Together, what we all create is a small scale representation of unsheltered reality. The world is not only comprised of people you get along with; reality is diverse. We are not all of one mold therefore there is no common personality that everyone shares. In this separate world, true learning, true thinking, can occur: thinking beyond the trivial one dimensional frame of mind. From the heated classroom discussions of the corruption of politics to the passionate lunch-time debates of ethics, philosophy, and religion with some classmates, it is then when nothing short of a miracle occurs. Everyone is equal, everyone's opinion is considered. Different, sometimes conflicting viewpoints are brought up as a result of our diverse backgrounds. Yet, just as heat and pressure turn carbon into diamonds, our thoughts and beliefs are sharpened and refined. Our diversity serves as a catalyst for our success both during and beyond high school. A success no diamond can outshine.
Thanks in advance for the feedback!
what I assume to be the unknown object
just an unknown object
would be better
or majority is the world's minority
I think you meant, for majority here is the world's minority
I feel like there's too much repetition here of the idea of diversity.. Can you shorten this into maybe 4 5 sentences?
Our diversity serves as a catalyst for our success both during and beyond high school. A success no diamond can outshine.Our diversity serves as a catalyst for our success both during and beyond high school, a success no diamond can outshine
would be better
Your essay is really interesting!! :) keep it up!!
Would you mind reading mine? thanks.