I haven't yet written my essay. I have only written the personal statement for the UCAS application in the UK.
I wish to apply to U. of Boston. The topic is "Choose 3 words to describe yourself.
Please read my UCAS statement and tell me if i can use any parts of it for the new topic. If not please suggest some quick tips.Which three words on the basis of this essay sould i choose??"
I wish to study at your institute as it is one of the finest in the world. I am particularly interested in electrical and electronic engineering, especially modules like technical communication, digital electronics and IC design. I have always been interested in subjects like physics, mathematics and computer science. The working of various machines has fascinated me ever since I was very young. I often visit the sites at which my Dad, an electrical engineer himself, works to see how various machines like transformers, turbines etc work. I really enjoy myself on such trips. All the machinery seems absolutely fascinating. During my free time I usually take pleasure in reading some interesting books about physics or solving some questions in mathematics. I like discovering the practical applications of what I study. I strongly believe that knowledge, if not put to practical use is of no use at all. I enjoy studying computer science a lot too. In my free time I like designing various simple programs that might be able to help me in the completion of my homework in my other subjects. Game designing is my favorite type of programming. I have recently designed several simple computer games using C++. I feel that the courses offered by your institute are just what I'm looking for. I am definitely sure that this is the right path for me.
I like taking part in various competitions. Participation in any sort of competition is essential no matter what the odds of success are. I enjoy new challenges. I was the captain of one of the teams that qualified for an inter-house science quiz last year. My team achieved third place in the competition. It was a really good experience to work as a team with my partners and share our knowledge with each other. I believe that no success can be achieved in a team without proper coordination and teamwork. I also achieved second place from the senior grades at my school in the National Level Science Talent Search Examination (NSTSE) conducted by the Unified Council in hundreds of Indian schools across the globe. Besides quizzes I have also participated in several debates, speeches and extempore competitions at my school. Many of my prize winning science projects have been displayed at numerous science exhibitions. In the years 2008 and 2009 I took part in national level physics and chemistry Olympiads.
Apart from my studies, I enjoy various leisure activities. The sporting facilities provided at your institute have also persuaded me to apply to your college. My favorite sports include swimming, tennis, cricket, table tennis, badminton, soccer and many more. I have won competitions at my school in sports such as swimming, badminton and cricket. I have also represented my school as a member of my school's cricket team. Personally I prefer team sports to others which involve only one or two players. I also enjoy board games and solving puzzles in which a player has to think deep and hard. Two years ago I was a part of the team that represented my school at an inter-school chess tournament. I always try to find time out of my busy schedule for all these sports. Currently, I play soccer and tennis at least twice a week each. My other hobbies include travelling the world, gaining knowledge about the latest gadgets, helping others and many more. My school has a Special Care center which looks after children with physical or mental illness. Me and my other classmates often volunteer to provide any sort of help or assistance that we can. I like visiting new places, meeting new people, exploring cultures which are different to mine. Due to this I have been to many countries like UK, India, Malaysia, Singapore and the UAE. All these countries had very different cultures and lifestyles and I very much enjoyed spending my time with them.
I hope that you will give me the opportunity to contribute to the academic and extracurricular life of the university and allow me the chance of receiving the best quality education.
First of all, are you applying to Boston University not U of Boston right? Try not to get mixed up when writing your essay. Getting the name of the school incorrectly is a big boo-boo.
Another suggestion is to write more personally and less academically. Boston U doesn't want to read another cut and dry essay. Put some more personality into it. Also, try to start sentences differently than just with "I was" or "I have" or "I like" The college realizes the essay's about you.
As for the three words... I'd say diligent, cultured and varied.
Good luck on getting in.
I partially agree with paranormale, but I think "cultured" and "varied" seem a bit too similar. Maybe diligent, cultured, and accomplished? Though accomplished may sound like self-praise.
Also, try to vary your sentence structure some more. This essay has a lot of simple sentences that are not very interesting, like "I enjoy studying computer science a lot too." This sentence stands out as particularly weak in contrast to the strong preceding sentence.
