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I'm working on an admissions Essay to University of Florida

Lade 1 / -  
Jul 12, 2008   #1
I'm currently working on it. I need some advice. I've written a rough draft but it's not complete enough to post. Here's a basic rundown.

Essay Topic
In the space provided, please write a concise narrative in which you describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your family, your school or community activities, or your involvement in areas outside of school.

My essay is about a time I was at a youth leadership conference, where I performed a song in front of a large audience. It's about me overcoming hesitation and anxiety to get the job done and enjoy it, as well as not being afraid to try new things.

I'll be updating this with the essay once it's complete enough, but I'd like to know if starting off the introduction with a quote is a bad idea, as well as IF I should do so.

I'm looking at Shakespears quote
"Be not afraid of greatness; some are born great, some achieve greatness, and others have greatness thrust upon them."
Mainly concerning having greatness thrust upon you, as me performing the song was a volunteered effort to give our skit some substance.

Could you help me?

EF_Team5 - / 1,586  
Jul 13, 2008   #2
Good evening.

I think your idea of using the quote as an introduction is a good one. Introductions need to be attention grabbing yet at the same time be appropritate for the content of your essay. It seems to me, without having read your essay, that this is probably a something that fits these two requirements. Make sure that you use a smooth transition from this quote to your first paragraph, and all should be well.

When you are ready, go ahead and post the essay here and I can help you further.

Moderator, EssayForum.com

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