What influenced you to apply to Harvey Mudd College? What about the HMC curriculum and community appeals to you?
"For this final, you have a written test on soccer," said my P.E. teacher, Mr. Pfaffman to the group of students sitting evenly on basketball court. While Mr. Pfaffman handed out the test, I quickly put my study guide away underneath my binder that I used for holding up my test. Soon after, there were only two people on the court while the rest of the class was playing soccer in a lower field. I was one of two people left in the court with Mr. Pfaffman. I stared at the test to recall my photographic memory of the study guide under my binder. 'Think, think, and think!' repeated I as if it was my last wish for the day. But, I could not resist looking over the study guide when Mr. Pfaffman was talking to another P.E. teacher. In next five minute, I turned my test in and walked away to join the rest of my class.
Before the last class of second trimester was ended next day, Mr. Pfaffman proudly acclaimed that I scored the highest on the test. I could not leave the class with a heavy heart. I walked into Mr. Pfaffman's office. "Hi, Shinhwa," he welcomed me, "what can I do for you?" "Mr. Pfaffman," I slowly opened my lips and confessed in a faint voice, "there is...something you ...should know. I...cheated on the test." "Shinhwa, I am glad that you told me the truth," said Mr. Pfaffman with a smile, "I know that you are still struggling with English." I was surprised by an unexpected reaction. "Because I trust you, I will reward your honesty by not changing the grade. But, there is a one condition," continued Mr. Pfaffman, "you will come to my office three times a week at lunch to do your homework. I will help you."
Although I was no longer in P.E. in third trimester, I spent my lunch doing homework in Mr. Pfaffman's office. He was not bothered to explain what Manifest Destiny is or to tell me what happened in a book, Esperanza. He was happy with my improvements. It is not too much to say that he was the like a repairman of my motives. Thus, I like plentiful chances to meet with professors who are willing to help students out at Harvey Mudd College that believes in cooperation. I could consider it my second chance to conduct my honesty and responsibility under the Honor Code.
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how does this sound like?
I am not sure if I corporated my story with the prompt and why I REALLLY want to get into this college.... any suggestions?
and I probably have tons of grammatical errors.... can you fix it for me?
Thank you!!!!
"For this final, you have a written test on soccer," said my P.E. teacher, Mr. Pfaffman to the group of students sitting evenly on basketball court. While Mr. Pfaffman handed out the test, I quickly put my study guide away underneath my binder that I used for holding up my test. Soon after, there were only two people on the court while the rest of the class was playing soccer in a lower field. I was one of two people left in the court with Mr. Pfaffman. I stared at the test to recall my photographic memory of the study guide under my binder. 'Think, think, and think!' repeated I as if it was my last wish for the day. But, I could not resist looking over the study guide when Mr. Pfaffman was talking to another P.E. teacher. In next five minute, I turned my test in and walked away to join the rest of my class.
Before the last class of second trimester was ended next day, Mr. Pfaffman proudly acclaimed that I scored the highest on the test. I could not leave the class with a heavy heart. I walked into Mr. Pfaffman's office. "Hi, Shinhwa," he welcomed me, "what can I do for you?" "Mr. Pfaffman," I slowly opened my lips and confessed in a faint voice, "there is...something you ...should know. I...cheated on the test." "Shinhwa, I am glad that you told me the truth," said Mr. Pfaffman with a smile, "I know that you are still struggling with English." I was surprised by an unexpected reaction. "Because I trust you, I will reward your honesty by not changing the grade. But, there is a one condition," continued Mr. Pfaffman, "you will come to my office three times a week at lunch to do your homework. I will help you."
Although I was no longer in P.E. in third trimester, I spent my lunch doing homework in Mr. Pfaffman's office. He was not bothered to explain what Manifest Destiny is or to tell me what happened in a book, Esperanza. He was happy with my improvements. It is not too much to say that he was the like a repairman of my motives. Thus, I like plentiful chances to meet with professors who are willing to help students out at Harvey Mudd College that believes in cooperation. I could consider it my second chance to conduct my honesty and responsibility under the Honor Code.
-----------------------------------------------------------
how does this sound like?
I am not sure if I corporated my story with the prompt and why I REALLLY want to get into this college.... any suggestions?
and I probably have tons of grammatical errors.... can you fix it for me?
Thank you!!!!