Transfer Essay for College Student: Why Yale? (250 word limit):
The residential colleges are the biggest nonacademic reason that Yale appeals to me. At Vanderbilt, freshmen are randomly sorted into one of ten residential houses on the Ingram Commons. From that point forward, the other students in your house, along with the Faculty Head, become part of your live-in family at Vanderbilt. Each house has its own history and traditions, and the atmosphere gives each individual a unique self-identity and loyalty to their house. Personally, I love the sense of comradery that the Ingram Commons brings, and given its similarity to Yale's residential colleges, it's not surprising that I am attracted to Yale itself.
In addition, the academic resources at Yale far surpass the resources available at Vanderbilt. From Yale's history of studying and applying TCM in many of its labs, to the connections formed by the Yale-China association to let me acquire medicinal herbs firsthand, Yale's resources are available nowhere else in the world with respect to Traditional Chinese Medicine.
Beating those smug Crawford House residents at flag football. Nabbing the game-winning question at the inter-house Quizbowl tournament. Enjoying ice cream with my housemates during Gillette Gelato. These memories will always be an part of me and my college experience. But I am positive that at Yale, I will form new, lasting relationships with my college family, and reach even greater heights in my academic career. I know that a college experience at Yale will be demanding, but at the same time, I look forward to its inexhaustible rewards.
The residential colleges are the biggest nonacademic reason that Yale appeals to me. Draws my interest (appeal is for food)
Also, try talking why Yale is a good fit for YOU. The university already knows how awesome they are, but they want to know how you think of them and what you can bring to the school. Decent essay but try emphasizing more on yourself.
Yang, here is a tip you should take when writing about the "Why?" essays, don't ever lift information from their website about, in this case, the housing accommodations and then try to pass it off as your own. In fact, everything in this statement tells me that you did not even bother to try and find some true personal reasons for your choice of Yale as your university for college. The statement you made about the residential colleges sound like it came straight out the brochure.
By the way, you aren't a student at Yale yet. So pick your words and how you use those words carefully. Keep in mind that calling a rival team "smug" may sound good on paper, but could actually be offensive to some, since you are not a student there yet. It is the way that you have developed the essay that makes the presentation superficial with a clear lack of personal connection to your choice.
Make the essay better by discussing the academic reasons you chose the university. Relate it to your chosen major. I like the line about the Chinese medicine discussion. It is the only honest sounding part of the essay. You could build on that discussion as well. Rephrase the extra curricular activities to reflect those activities that you can actually participate in in terms of clubs, organizations, teams, or volunteer activities.
Is my delivery of the information too confusing? Should I change that?
I am currently a student at Vanderbilt, and the first paragraph has me describing Vanderbilt's own housing situation with the 10 houses on the Ingram Commons( I currently live there, the information is straight from my heart), and how I want to go to college at Yale because of its residential college's similarity to my current housing situation.
"Beating those smug Crawford House residents at flag football. Nabbing the game-winning question at the inter-house Quizbowl tournament. Enjoying ice cream with my housemates during Gillette Gelato. These memories will always be an part of me and my college experience."- These are events that have occurred to me during freshman year, and I thought it would be a good way to say how much I love my current house at Vanderbilt(Crawford is a house on Vanderbilt's Ingram Commons, not a residential college at Yale).
@dundunyang I feel you should focus on what academic and social offerings Yale has and relate that to you. Also, it might sound rude if you're constantly bashing Vanderbilt to praise Yale.
Don't fixate your discussion on the weakness of Vanderbilt. Keep in mind that these are both IVY league schools that tend to band together when one of them is attacked. So putting down your current university in the hopes of being considered for a slot in the new university will not work in a positive manner. You will just make sure that you endanger your chances of admission that way. There is a more positive manner to approach the essay while connecting it to your time at Vanderbilt just the same.
Mention how you enjoyed your time at Vanderbilt and how you have learned from them both academically and socially. However, you have come to realize that Yale offers you more opportunities in terms of learning and social interaction than Vanderbilt. Then mention the academic programs and social activities that you feel will help you become an even more developed person in the future. The point, is to make both Ivy universities seems beneficial to your development. That boosts your image as a student who is chasing after the best possible academics that he can get instead of a student who seems to be sour-graping against his current university for an unspecified reason.
