Is this what admission officers are looking for? Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!
As I pulled into my driveway the glistening rays of cheerfulness from the sunny yellow paint that covered my home invited me to come inside. All of my life I have been molded by parents who, despite their firm hand, support and love me in every way; and a sister who inspires me more than she could ever know. Each day when I walk out of my house I am reminded that my environment has shaped me into the proud, independent woman I am today.
My parents painted their life skills on the canvas that is my future. From the day I was born my parents wanted nothing more than for me to behave politely. People are shocked with my "yes Sir and no Sir" responses, but I thank my parents for each time I was complimented on this. I believe having manners is a necessity in everyday life. Additionally, everyday that I walk into my house I am reminded that my parents sacrifice the salary they earn for me to dance. From this sacrifice I have learned the value of a dollar and appreciate each opportunity life presents me. The encouraging "you can do it honey" from the audience at every dance competition has lead me to have an optimistic and confident view of life. I can not thank my parents enough for influencing me the way they have.
Stephanie, my younger sister, is the most mature fifteen-year-old I have ever met. She is the fishing hook that reels me back in from my fantasy world. When I want to escape to this world she uncoils my strength and perseverance to accomplish any task by inspiring me to succeed. Stephanie's stability in who she is has allowed me to exude my bubbly, inviting, generous personality to the world without the fear of rejection. My sister has truly helped create my outgoing personality.
Pieces of my parent's support and sacrificial nature, a pinch of my younger sister's inspiration, and a loving, inviting environment have influenced every aspect of my life. College will be a whole new environment that will also help develop me as an individual, but I will always have the basis of who I am from the environment I have grown up in, my home.
As I pulled into my driveway the glistening rays of cheerfulness from the sunny yellow paint that covered my home invited me to come inside. All of my life I have been molded by parents who, despite their firm hand, support and love me in every way; and a sister who inspires me more than she could ever know. Each day when I walk out of my house I am reminded that my environment has shaped me into the proud, independent woman I am today.
My parents painted their life skills on the canvas that is my future. From the day I was born my parents wanted nothing more than for me to behave politely. People are shocked with my "yes Sir and no Sir" responses, but I thank my parents for each time I was complimented on this. I believe having manners is a necessity in everyday life. Additionally, everyday that I walk into my house I am reminded that my parents sacrifice the salary they earn for me to dance. From this sacrifice I have learned the value of a dollar and appreciate each opportunity life presents me. The encouraging "you can do it honey" from the audience at every dance competition has lead me to have an optimistic and confident view of life. I can not thank my parents enough for influencing me the way they have.
Stephanie, my younger sister, is the most mature fifteen-year-old I have ever met. She is the fishing hook that reels me back in from my fantasy world. When I want to escape to this world she uncoils my strength and perseverance to accomplish any task by inspiring me to succeed. Stephanie's stability in who she is has allowed me to exude my bubbly, inviting, generous personality to the world without the fear of rejection. My sister has truly helped create my outgoing personality.
Pieces of my parent's support and sacrificial nature, a pinch of my younger sister's inspiration, and a loving, inviting environment have influenced every aspect of my life. College will be a whole new environment that will also help develop me as an individual, but I will always have the basis of who I am from the environment I have grown up in, my home.