Ability of Various Language for British Students - data based on the charts presented

Hi, I am practicing the writing test for IELTS, would you please give me some comments for my works?

In addition, I am not sure if I can present the data in the form of "has rose from 30-35%, 15-20% and 10-15% respectively." and "the percentage has fell into a half from 2000 (20%) to 2010 (10%)" is correct. Also, I do not know if the tenses I used is correct.

Thank you very much!

Question:

The charts below show the proportions of British students at one university in England who were able to speak other languages in addition to English, in 2000 and 2010.

Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Answer:

Which foreign languages British students know?

The charts report the percentage of British students who can speak various languages in a particular university in 2000 and 2010 respectively.

Looking at the students who can speak Spanish only, another language and two other languages first. It can be observed that there is a 5% increase for each group of students from 2000 to 2010. From 2000 to 2010, the percentage of students who can speak Spanish only, another languages and two other languages has rose from 30-35%, 15-20% and 10-15% respectively.

With regard to students who can speak French only and no other language, the percentage of students result a falls from 2000 to 2010. For students who cannot speak other languages, the percentage has fell into a half from 2000 (20%) to 2010 (10%). For students who can speak French only, the percentage has dropped from 15% in 2000 to 10% in 2010.

For the students who can speak German only, the percentage keep unchanged at 10% in 2000 and 2010.

According to the above data, it can be found that over 80% and 90% of British students can speak at least two kinds of languages in 2000 and 2010 respectively. Furthermore, around one-third of the students can speak Spanish which leads Spanish to become the most common second language for British students in both 2000 and 2010.

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Janice, this is supposed to be written as a pie chart comparison. Therefore, it would be best to write 2 body paragraphs which indicate the complete information from 2009 and then from 2010, using a transition sentence at the end of the 2009 paragraph to connect the two years in information presentation.

Your paraphrasing doesn't follow the required format of at least 3 sentences per paragraph. That is because you failed to include information about the English language as indicated in the original prompt. Always double check your paraphrased prompt for information. Make sure that you represent the all the required information in the overview before you move on to the body and concluding paragraphs.

Your tense usage needs work. All of the information contained in this essay should follow the past tense presentation because these events, studies, and percentage research has already been completed. Therefore, the past form of presentation will be required all throughout the essay. Let me correct the sentences that you are worried about to show you an example of how to write it.

Looking at the students who can speak Spanish only, another language or two languages, a clear 5 % increase for each student group was represented in the years 2000 to 2010.This represented a rise of 30-35%...

In the section about German language you could have said " the percentage WAS unchanged..." .

Then in the final paragraph it should have said "... British students spoke...", with the work spoke taking the place of "speak" in the paragraph since we are dealing with past presentations here.

Do the free online tense usage exercises. That should help to train you regarding the proper use of tenses in relation to written work. Add it to your essay exercises. Combined, the two should help to improve your grammatical accuracy score in future essays.

Among hundreds of IELTS sample answers on the Internet, you need to at least pick one of them and make it becomes your own pattern of writing. However, I would recommend you to read IELTS sample answers on either IELTS buddy or IELTS advantage. I refer my TASK 1 writing style from IELTS sample answers on IELTS buddy and my TASK 2 writing style from IELTS sample answers on IELTS advantage. As a result, I got overall band 7.0 in my IELTS test. Thus, doing the same thing like what I have done is worth trying.

Let me help you deciding what kind of sentence pattern that might be beneficial for your writing skill in the detailed descriptions below:

1st paragraph:
- 1st sentence is the paraphrase of the question,
- 2nd sentence is the measurement that might be applicable (it can be percentage for this case),
- 3rd sentence is the overview (what the pie chart show in general perspective)

2nd and 3rd paragraph:
- 1st sentence is the most noticeable data (usually the highest or the lowest),
- 2nd sentence is the second rank,
- 3rd sentence is the third rank or you can just mention 'the other data / the rest of the data'.

Hope this helps :)

@Holt, Thank you so much for your comments. May I know when should I use past tense and when should I use present perfect tense? If the research was completed this year, should I use present perfect tense instead of past tense?

@ichanpants89, Thanks a lot for your suggestion. The organisation of article for task 1 is really helpful, Thanks :)