Unanswered [5] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

Academic Ielts: Accept bad situation or try to change it for a better one.

camocrash 1 / -  
Jun 11, 2019   #1

accept an obstacle or fight against it?

Bad situations are the spicy additives of our life time. Facing the challenge, there are two constant solutions : accept or fight against it. Me as a rather competitive person, trying to change the situation is casually my decision.

Acceptance is the least loss option. People in the pursuant side choose to try acclimatizing themselves. As a result, there is no damage for the current beings but gradual adaption. However, familiarization with the situation means accepting the unfavorable circumstances and the decease of primary desire. Were people to lower their colors, no valuable development would be created.

In the contrary, the other choice may bring more self- improvements for the human than acceptance. Conflict with the situation demands a strong-minded endurance and willing to face the responsibility. The possibility of success is measured and decided by the determination and ability of the fighter. Whether failure or triumph, the effort of changing the circumstances generally exchange for a wide range of eternal lessons and skills enhancement, which is the initial motivation of my decision.

In brief, under no circumstances should both the solutions be underestimated. However, on account of valuable experience from trying to change the situation, it is highly recommended with the daily struggle life.

Maria - / 1,100 389  
Jun 12, 2019   #2
Hello there!

I see that you're new to the forum. Welcome here! I hope you get the information you need from here. I'll do my best to help you.

First and foremost, be cautious of the forms of the words that you are using. Always refer back to your learning materials to ensure that you are misusing the words in your essay. That being said, a good way to evade this concern is to simplify your language. I'm not saying that you should remove all the complex synonymous terms - rather, you can incorporate more phrases that are academic rather than merely outright. If you can master this, you'll be able to optimize your essay.

Let's take a look at your essay in detail. While the opening sentence was quite innovative and creative, it surely was unable to incorporate the actual thesis statement that you should have been establishing from the get-go.

What you can do is a line that runs along:

Obstacles have two solutions: accepting or fighting against it. The essay will discuss why we should overcome these circumstances to challenge ourselves.

Evade ingraining too personalized opinions in your essay. This will reduce the overall quality of your discussion, considering that you should be an observant with an extensive analysis of the situation. While these personal accounts may help you extend arguments that you are making, they shouldn't be the core of your content.

Watch out for your usage of preposition as well (ie. in your third paragraph, it should be "on the contrary" and using in).

Likewise, be cautious of the forms of words that you are using. For instance, in the same paragraph as the preceding correction, the second sentence should be rewritten as:

Conflict with the situation demands a strong-minded endurance and the willingness to face the responsibility.

Best of luck in your writing!

Home / Writing Feedback / Academic Ielts: Accept bad situation or try to change it for a better one.