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IELTS Academic essay:Social networking has the advantages and disadvantages



nhr 1 / -  
Nov 22, 2013   #1
Over the past decade,there has been a considerable debate about the effect of social networking sites on individuals and societies.In fact ,social networks has become part of our life. there are different types of these tools such as: twitter,Facebook,Instagram and YouTube. However,social networking has the advantages and disadvantages,but I believe that the benefits are more than harms.In this essay I will explain two of logical perspectives.

Firstly ,some people believe that social networking sites ,offers many benefits for example, they can keep in contact with old friends, anywhere and anytime. As well as,people can use twitter to access the latest news, by fast and easier way . Also ,by use Facebook people have opportunity to make new friends ,talk about the world events and they can get substantial skills and knowledge, in many areas.In addition, some people use YouTube for fun and enjoyment,for instance they may share their videos, photos, and information with others,from over all the world.

Secondly, some people claim that using social media overly , will cause many risks and harms. For example, youth and teens when they use Facebook or other social networking sites , for a long time and every day, it will harm them physically and behaviorally. In the same context, using some sites perhaps lead to cyber crimes, especially, which may occur against children. Moreover, these sites always lead to a waste of time.

In conclusion,despite the risks inherent in some social networks,I convinced that it has several benefits in many fields,like education,health and business .However,we need to achieve balance in our life,through set specific time for work and time for enjoyment.

dumi 1 / 6793  
Nov 22, 2013   #2
It always good to include the full prompt with your essay so that we know exactly what it expects from you.

social networks has become

.... wrong grammar;
social networks have become / social network has become

.In this essay I will explain two of logical perspectives.

Your introduction sounds better without this line, it's good to conclude the intro with a statement that presents your opinion on the argument.
pakias 5 / 14  
Nov 23, 2013   #3
I saw many punctuation mistakes. The essay was overall good.


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