how to Get Past Tough Situations
SOME PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT IT IS BEST TO ACCEPT A BAD SITUATION, SUCH AS AN UNSASTIFACTORY JOB OR SHORTAGE OF MONEY. OTHERS ARGUE THAT IT IS BETTER TO TRY AND IMPROVE SUCH SITUATIONS.
DISCUSS BOTH THESE VIEWS AND GIVE YOUR OWN OPINION.
In this day and age, in terms of how to overcome an unexpected trouble, people are always wondering about whether we should admit the loss or we should put more effort in brainstorming how to tackle it. For me, I am leaning towards the latter manner.
On the one hand, there are certain justifiable rationales that make this tendency appealing to the followers. First of all, this manner seems to be the most ideal way when we are on our beams-end and can not come up even a half measure. If we are in such a dilemma, there is nothing to do except for giving up and learn valuable lessons from the failure. On the contrary, if we still insist on involving in the difficulty, we may just confine to the loss and can not be able to move on. For example, Bill Gates ,before being one of the most wealthiest and successful people in the world , was loath to admit the fall of Traf-O-Data and many other failures.
However, it would not be a sensible choice to give up when you are still capable of solving the situation. How can we make progress and move on the career ladder when we just accept the failure so easily? As long as we can still come up with initiative, we have to brainstorm and try our best to make our way to success or at least overcome the mishap. It is only when the situation is out of control that we need to give up. Hence, if we ,in the worst case , surrender, we will be likely to obtain more priceless lessons and will not ascribe the loss to our laziness. As an illustration, Nguyen Ngoc Ky ,a handicapped infant, whose desire was to have a normal life like his friend was so enormous that he practiced writing with his feet industriously and as a result, not only manage to write, he is now a teacher who is well-known for his beautiful handwriting.
In conclusion, I argue that if you can not go further, you may surrender and draw a leson from that . Otherwises, do your best to tackle the issue.
Introduction
You didn't do a good job on paraphrasing the original statement. "Admitting the loss" is not a paraphrase for "accepting a bad situation", because not all bad situations are necessarily losses. Also, "put more effort in brainstorming how to tackle it" is not a paraphrase for "improving such situations". Your introduction does not present the ideas you will talk about in your body paragraphs. You give your opinion, but again you do not provide reasons that would support it.
Body paragraphs
Your body paragraphs seem to be following the structure, but your topic sentence (which is the first sentence of you paragraph) should tell the reader what you will talk about in it and should contain concrete ideas. You only mention "justifiable rationales" and this is too broad and vague.
Your usage of linking words is inappropriate, you cannot say "first of all..." and then not provide additional reasons, which would support and develop your topic sentence. I also failed to understand why you used "on the contrary...", because your writing lacks clarity and correct usage of grammar.
Same problem with topic sentence of the second paragraph, the idea is too general and vague, when what you should be doing is presenting an idea, that you are going to develop further later.
I would refrain from rhetorical questions in the academic essays, because you are supposed to be giving clear explanations to the reader and make them follow your line of thoughts. I could not find a clear idea in your second paragraph. A good example though.
Conclusion
Your conclusion is not good. It did not paraphrase the task statement, did not reiterate reasons and your opinion is not supported by proper arguments.
There are many grammatical mistakes throughout your essay.
My suggestion is to make sure you use the words that you are 100% sure of. They might be simple, but they will convey your message in a much better and clear way.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 15466 This essay has directly disregarded the prompt instruction for a comparative discussion of the 2 points of view before the personal opinion. As such, the examiner will clearly see that you do not have very good English comprehension instructions. You will not get a passing mark for this test because you responded to only the last part of the essay, the personal opinion. There are two other sections that need to be discussed and represented in the essay. Failure to do so means the examiner will have no choice but to score you only on the part you responded to, deducting points for the possible word count that should have applied to the missing 2 opinions. Therefore, this essay, though able to represent your personal opinion, will not get a passing mark.
