Its a Toefl Essay. Please suggest where i need to improve and also suggest the changes.
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You have enough money to purchase either a house or a business. Which would you choose to buy? Give specific reasons to explain your choice.
If I have enough money to buy a house or a business then i will purchase business rather then a house because business will give me opportunity to accumulate money and business can also create job opportunity for the other peoples, who are seeking for job. If i purchase a house with that money then only i can live in that house but neither i can earn more money with the help of the house nor i can help other unemployed people.
Firstly, If i purchase a business, then i can make earn money with the business. Business will provide me money from which i can take care of my family and their basic needs and give them financial support too. I can save the money which i have earned from the business for the future purpose and in future I can also enlarge my business so that i can earn more and more money. With the help of these money i can purchase a same house that i wanted to purchase. So In future, Business will gave me the opportunity to buy things that i wanted to buy.
another point that i wanted to make, If i purchase a business then it will give job opportunity for lots of people. So, from business its not only i who get benefits, but others can also earn with the business. For example, a shop has only one owner but lots of workers worked there and earn money. So business also crate job opportunities for other people.
By taking an example of tata birla who was a very famous business man. He had started his business with a little shop. He had no house for living, whatever income he got from his soap, he spent it in enlarging his shop. In six months,he bought house and started steal manufacturing plant that has create job opportunity for lots of people. Even after that he enlarged his business in each and every field. If he spend his money in purchasing house rather then starting a business he would not have succeeded so much.
So if i have enough money i will purchase a business and become a good business man, also create job opportunity for other peoples. If i become a good businessman then i can accumulate wealth. With the help of money i can fulfill my dreams and buy a new house.
Thanks
You have enough money to purchase either a house or a business. Which would you choose to buy? Give specific reasons to explain your choice.
If I have enough money to buy a house or a business then i will purchase business rather then a house because business will give me opportunity to accumulate money and business can also create job opportunity for the other peoples, who are seeking for job. If i purchase a house with that money then only i can live in that house but neither i can earn more money with the help of the house nor i can help other unemployed people.
Firstly, If i purchase a business, then i can make earn money with the business. Business will provide me money from which i can take care of my family and their basic needs and give them financial support too. I can save the money which i have earned from the business for the future purpose and in future I can also enlarge my business so that i can earn more and more money. With the help of these money i can purchase a same house that i wanted to purchase. So In future, Business will gave me the opportunity to buy things that i wanted to buy.
another point that i wanted to make, If i purchase a business then it will give job opportunity for lots of people. So, from business its not only i who get benefits, but others can also earn with the business. For example, a shop has only one owner but lots of workers worked there and earn money. So business also crate job opportunities for other people.
By taking an example of tata birla who was a very famous business man. He had started his business with a little shop. He had no house for living, whatever income he got from his soap, he spent it in enlarging his shop. In six months,he bought house and started steal manufacturing plant that has create job opportunity for lots of people. Even after that he enlarged his business in each and every field. If he spend his money in purchasing house rather then starting a business he would not have succeeded so much.
So if i have enough money i will purchase a business and become a good business man, also create job opportunity for other peoples. If i become a good businessman then i can accumulate wealth. With the help of money i can fulfill my dreams and buy a new house.
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