Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 5


IELTS TASK2: Nowadays, adolescents and adults constitute a vast majority of some nation's population



scottlai23 1 / 2  
Aug 2, 2020   #1
At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people.

Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?



Nowadays, adolescents and adults constitute a vast majority of some nation's population, while the elderly only make up a minimal part. It is hard to tell whether the phenomenon delivers a more beneficial impact on the society than opposite trend or not. As a result, I will address my own perspective as follows.

Personally, the only drawback for the situation is the wrong replacement for job vacancies. For most entrepreneurs or supervisors in the company, they assume that older people are overpaid and can be easily replaced by younger workers who can do the job as well. But the scientific evidence on this issue shows differently: When it comes to learning new things, there is just no age limit. In addition, older workforce can provide their career experiences to younger employees. If those supervisors don't pay enough attention on the management of HR, the company may have serious damages and contribute to outflow of talent due to the misunderstanding of the age trend.

However, the phenomenon can be accompanied by some advantages. Firstly, the debt stemmed from the elderly will not take toll on their descendants' remaining life. The debt will be not only on the aspect of money but also the physical tolerance. For instance, if the elderly have a long-lived life, their sons, daughters or even grandsons will have to devote themselves to taking good care of them. What's worse, they need to pay medical expense for hospitalisation. In contrast, if young adults outweigh the elderly, the terrible situation can be soothed since more adults can share responsibility for carrying the burden.

In conclusion, although merits and demerits coexist in this age trend, I personally believe that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks.

shureoni 1 / 2  
Aug 2, 2020   #2
I think you should conclude more clearly, like summarizing the main reasons... of this trend
ninefinger 1 / 3  
Aug 2, 2020   #3
@scottlai23
you should write "do not" instead of "don't" in your essay
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15344  
Aug 3, 2020   #4
You weakened your discussion by providing a comparative essay instead of strongly discussing the reasons supporting your opinion. As a single opinion essay, you must ensure that your 2 reasoning paragraphs are used to drive home the strength of your point of view. Use one paragraph for your reasoning presentation and the next paragraph can be a fully developed example explanation. That is how how give a strong discussion foundation to your reasoning discussion.

One of the main scoring points is the clarity of your opinion from the very start. That means, you have to indicate your direct response to the question within the prompt paraphrase. So,. rather than the non-response that you provided, you have to make it clear from the start that you have a point of view that will be discussed in the essay. Be specific. Otherwise, you will be scored down for not having a clear opinion from the very start.
OP scottlai23 1 / 2  
Aug 3, 2020   #5
@Holt
Thank you for your precious advice! But can I ask how much score can I get from this essay?


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK2: Nowadays, adolescents and adults constitute a vast majority of some nation's population
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Need professional help with your assignments? Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳