Should ads targeting children be banned? (Ielts - writing task 2)

Some people think that advertising aimed at children should be banned.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

A great deal of people take the view that advertisers and marketers must be restricted from grooming the young. I totally agree with this viewpoint.

Firstly, advertisement can result in psychological damages which may affect physical, mental and social wellbeing later. It is common knowledge that youngsters whose mental criteria are not fully developed to adopt and acknowledge can easily be influenced by external impacts such as images and audios. Due to prevalence and development of marketing strategies, before children have even developed a proper sense of their own identity, or learned to handle money, they are encouraged to associate status and self-worth with stuff and to look to external things such as fame and wealth for validation. Things like video games, junk food and expensive toys which are repeatedly announced in TV ads develop in children a mentality that happiness means owning expensive things, which may lead to misbehaviour or even criminal charge in the future. For example, a child who has constantly seen commercials about junk food may consume more than others, which contributes to the endless repercussions of serious obesity.

Secondly, advertising targeting the adolescent results in financial pressure on parents, especially family with low-income. Almost all of those unscrupulous programmes manipulate kids into persuading their parents to purchase certain products and disgruntlement comes on the back of parents' refusal. In the long-term, they may suffer from low self-esteem as not being able to afford expensive gadgets or toys which their peers have. Otherwise, overindulgence exposes parents to a double-barrelled risk in which finances are in disarray and overreliance is intensified. In addition, it seems to me that taking advantages of children's innocence severely infringe the vital code of business ethics.

In conclusion, It is my firm conviction that television commercials targeting the young should be prohibited officially.

Bear in mind that 1 paragraph consists of at least three sentences (have a look at your 1st paragraph), however you can tackle this by adding a brief reason of why you agree with the given statement. This also will make your essay become well-structured. :)

@zahranatsir
I highly appreciate your advice and look forward to your feedback on my upcoming essays. :)

You have to work on your reasoning paragraphs. Believe it or not, you have extremely long discussions in these paragraphs that over reach in explanation. Your reasoning paragraph flies off tangent because you are trying to represent several types of information in one paragraph instead of the standard single reason with proper supporting sentences, examples, and transition sentences. While you think you did a good job because you presented several reasons, the fact that you did not fully develop each reason in terms of relevance to your stance is what will lower your overall score. Do not mistake a long essay filled with reasoning topics for a good essay. You score well only when you properly justify your reasons. That is why you need to limit your reasons to 2, one per paragraph. It is the clarity of the explanation that matters, that is what you are scored on, not the number of reasons that you can deliver.