Unanswered [3] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 2


The advantages caused to humans when the computer was invented.



Qtraam 3 / 3  
Oct 17, 2016   #1
Nowadays, with the development of computers, people have invented a lot of modern technologies. When the computer was born, people used it to make their work more efficient. However, besides various benefits, computers have caused unemployment and many other problems.

First of all, most handicraft villages are fading because of the mass production technology. The traditional manufacturing takes more time, needs more employees and the design is not varied. In industrial production, more and more computers work on behalf of humans, as it has high accuracy and productivity. Moreover, the army is also studying to create weapons controlled via computers, such as pilotless aircraft, radar, or rocket... people have explored the universe by satellite. So, the computer is very important, the more developed society, the more helpful computers are.

However, in my view, there are many problems. Initially, because computers do all so people should be unemployed. The companies apply computer technology, it oporates mạhines, checks products, and does all of the production stages, workers will be fired to decrease the costs. Also, the products of mass production are not featured and specific. Only the special meticulous man can create unique products. After that, another problem is health issues. People who use computers a lot may get a lot of different diseases, like myopia, backache, or loss of memory...

All in all, I think the computers bring for us many advantages, in the globalization era, without computers, people can not thrive and develop strongly. But, on the other hand, computers have affected many people, it raises too many questions to be answered. How we do to solve the problems caused by computer ?

justivy03 - / 2265  
Oct 18, 2016   #2
Hi Tram, upon reviewing your essay, there is no doubt that you understand and know what the essay is asking you to write about, however, this did not seem to transpire very well in the essay. Reason for this observation is because, as I was reading the essay, I got confused with the sentences you associated in the essay and to give you a more elaborate explanation on that, please find a few corrections below;

- However, in my view, there are many problems. many problems? like what? though the subject is established already, it won't hurt if you take it into account in this part of the essay.

- Initially, because computers do all the things thatso people should and can do, therefore, they end up be unemployed.
- workers will beget fired
- to decreasewith the hopes of decreasing the costs of manpower .
- Also, themass produce products
- of mass production are not featured and specific to the customers liking .
- After that, aA nother problem is health issues. - People who use computers a lot may getacquire - or loss of memory...among others.

There you have it Tram, as you can see, with the corrections, the idea is now complete, there is a huge difference of the thought of the sentences, its clarity and its meaning is now more comprehensible.


Home / Writing Feedback / The advantages caused to humans when the computer was invented.
Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳