Advantages of living in a big city; Jobs and Entertainment

Topic: It is better for children to grow up in a big city.
-What can be done to improve Introduction(to draw attention) & Conclusion paragraphs.
-Grammer mistakes
-Misuse words
-Other
Since I'm not a native speaker, I'd love to see what mistakes there are and to get clues about how to improve It.

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Could you imagine raising your children in a place where there are rare job opportunities, a lack of social activities and education? Living in a big city would be better than living in countryside due to the fact that all of these facilities would be readily available.

Basically, people in the city work in different kinds of jobs, while in the countryside there aren't often a variety of job opportunities. People in the city work at all different types and levels of professions, as well as in factories, in service jobs, and more. Children growing up in the city learn that there is a wide range of jobs they can choose from when they grow up. They have a greater possibility of choosing a career that they will enjoy and do well in. This is perhaps the most important thing before beginning with their education.

Meanwhile, the big cities can also offer a variety of entertainment range from cinemas, theatres, concerts, and clubs to entertaining parks, and so on. Many people like spending their free time in the facilities because it helps them to relax and bring them a lot of pleasure. Moreover, in the city children can attend cultural events every weekend, or even more often. This is also an important point for their self-confidence.

Last but not least, living in a big city almost guarantees children a better chance of receiving a better education than in the countryside. In most countries, it is no doubt that level of education in the city is higher than that of the in country are. It only stands to reason that more populated areas are equipped with more schools and facilities such as large libraries, museums, sport facilities, and other educational establishments that can assist children in their overall education. Besides, parents can choose the school to send their children based upon their own set of interests and special needs or abilities of the children.

In brief, it is generally believed that it is better for children to be brought up in the city not only because it can socialize them, but also because they can receive better education and have a better chance to get a suitable job.

lack of educational opportunities and social activities.... I think this reads better : )


Basically, people in the city have a wide range of job opportunities while in the countryside this range is limited to a few types of jobs.


This sounds repetitive if you let it be this way. What you can do is;
For example, the urban people get job opportunities in both service and production sectors, such as jobs in hotels, banks, factories etc., that may not be available in the rural areas.

Thank you so much dumi. I'd love to hear more comments about It from other users :).

and if i use lack of educational opportunities and social activities, it is going to be repetitive the word opportunity ?

will it be better to use educational advantages ?

Many people like spending their free time in these facilities because it helps them to relax and bring them a lot of pleasure.

You bring a good point here but i don't think it's presented properly. Try rephrasing it. :)

In brief, it is generally believed that it is better for children to be brought up in the city not only because can it socialize them, but also because they can receive better education and have a better chance to get a suitable job.

Well I'm not really sure whether I can agree with you. Because it actually might be healthier to live in the countryside because the cities are polluted.

Thanks you so much Pahan
I'd love to read more comments :)

Hai,
in my point of view , rather than compare two places in one para , you could do agreement part in the bigininng then drawback.