Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 3


Advertisements increase sales volume - not wasting of a company's time or money



songyi88 1 / -  
Feb 4, 2011   #1
With the rapid development of mass media, many companies have used advertisement to sell their goods; it has been controversial whether advertisements are a waste of a company's time and money. Growing number of people believe that it is waste to advertise product because most shopper aware of what they want to buy. However, I strongly believe that advertisements are not waste of company's costs because they increase sales volume. Moreover, they provide consumer with product's information.

To begin with, advertisements improve the volume of sales in one company. They are able to stimulate the consumer's confidence in specific products. It is generally agree that many people hope to imitate popular star; they buy same thing that their favorite star wears or use. For example, Michel Jordan was the best popular worldwide sports star when I was young. Nike: sports brand advertise their product by showing Michel Jordan. He attracts the attention of consumers to buy Nike's products. Consequently, many younger people purchased cloths and shoes that Michel Jordan wore.

Secondly, consumers obtain good's information by watching advertisements. Almost people are familiar with performances of good's because we have so many products. Therefore, Advertisements are a useful promotion to provide shopper with information and tell them to have a try on it. For instance, few years ago, I need to bought new bed because my bed broken. However, I had nothing information about bed. As it happens, I watched a bed advertisement that used elephants. It told me the bed is strong up to endure the weight of elephant and very comfortable. I decide to buy the comfortable and strong.

In conclusion, I firmly disagree that advertisements are waste of a corporation's time and money. It is because advertisements improve the volume of sales in one company and provide good's information for consumers. Therefore, it is good way many companies invest their money and time to advertisement.

LisaTheKidd 2 / 7  
Feb 4, 2011   #2
Hello! I didn't know that advertisements were even disputed. I like the stance you took on this essay, and I like that you used real life examples, like MJ and the elephants. I've got a few suggestions that can make this essay better.

Firstly, it looks like you're having a bit of trouble with leaving out words, and when to use an "S" at the end of a word.

Another common grammatical problem is using a passive voice, ie: "have used" instead of "use" in my experience, using stronger language is usually better, especially in a persuasive essay.

Using the first person is also an undesirable quality in an essay. saying things like, "i think," or, "i strongly believe," is redundant, because we know it's your opinion.

I've gone through just the first paragraph and added or removed grammatically imperative letters and words, eliminated passive voice, and deleted the first person. the result is a much cleaner looking essay, in which one can grasp the meaning quickly.

With the rapid development of mass media, many companies have used advertisements to sell their goods; it has beenis controversial whether advertisements are a waste of a company's time and money. A Growing number of people believe that it is waste to advertise products because most shoppers are aware of what they want to buy. However, I strongly believe that advertisements are not waste of a company's costs because they increase sales volume. Moreover, they provide consumers with product's information.

I would also think about the use of the word, "waste" it's used three times in the first paragraph, which seems a bit much. a thesaurus would be helpful here: if you're using MS word, you can get to the thesaurus by hitting shift +F7.

happy writing!
EF_Susan - / 2310  
Feb 12, 2011   #3
Great job, Lisa the Kid, we are lucky to have you here!

A growing number of people believe that it is...

...waste of company's costs money, because they increase sales volume. Moreover, they provide consumer with each product's information.

Do not say you "disagree that"...
Instead, do this:
In conclusion, I firmly disagree with the suggestion that advertisements are a waste of...

:-)


Home / Writing Feedback / Advertisements increase sales volume - not wasting of a company's time or money
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳