Unanswered [5]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 7


TOEFL:Advertising is the most important cause of unhealthy eating habits.



Grace7 1 / -  
Feb 24, 2013   #1
Nowadays, advertising is unavoidable part of our lives , it influences our live in some ways. It really does lead us to buy some harmful food. So this can be inferred that advertising is the most important cause of unhealthy eating habits? I seriously doubt that. I maintain our unhealthy eating habits is also due to some other reasons such as the fast pace of live, the misleading view of diet, the regional differences in the diet, and emotional eating.

First of all, with the development of social economy and the importance of education, our life is increasingly busy, especially white-collars and children. As the people under great pressure from work and acquire knowledge. Office workers and students are hard to eat normal food cause it can waste time to continuing their work and study, so they just eat fast food like KFC and McDonald's to save time. Even when a particularly busy time, they are determined to finish their work and study, so they just keeping starve all the time. As we all know, fast food and keeping hungry is not healthy in some way. This is directly cause unhealthy habits.

Another reason is misleading view of diet. In modern life, a variety of people, exceptionally women, they think the only way to make them look gorgeous and charming is loose them weight to keep slim. For instance, some women skip the dinner, only eat breakfast and lunch. They want to use dieting way to lose weight. And some other women who don't want to lose the joyful of eating great food, they eat pills. Unfortunately, they don't know whether skip dinner or eat pills is very unhealthy for their body.

The regional difference in the diet is one of the important causes of unhealthy eating habits. In some countries, it must have the diet diversity from the different region. There are a variety of differences about eating habits in each region such as the different foods, different cooking methods, different tastes. If a stranger came to a new place, he or she will not adapt to the local diet. And this can make them unhealthy.

To sum up, there are so many important reasons; advertising is not the most important causes of unhealthy eating habits.

Pahan 1 / 1824  
Feb 24, 2013   #2
Nowadays, advertising is unavoidable part of our lives , it influences our live in some ways.

... needs more spice as this is your opening sentence.
Today, advertising has become an unavoidable part of our lives. Its influence on society is tremendous.

It really does lead us to buy some harmful food.

It is one of the reasons why we buy harmful food.

I maintain our unhealthy eating habits is also due to some other reasons such as the fast pace of live, the misleading view of diet, the regional differences in the diet, and emotional eating.

I believe our unhealthy eating habits are caused by a lot of other reasons as well. The fast pace of modern life, the... and emotional eating are some of these reasons.

I'm not sure whether the question asks you to write about your opinion here.. Pls check..
dumi 1 / 6793  
Feb 25, 2013   #3
I'm not sure whether the question asks you to write about your opinion here.. Pls check..

Though the prompt is not included in the post, I guess it asks for the opinion as to whether the writer agrees or not. However, this is why it is always good to include the topic or the prompt so that others can give more relevant feedbacks.

Another reason isthatmisleading view of diet. In modern life, a variety of people, exceptionallyespecially women, they think the only way to make them look gorgeous and charming is to loose them weight toand keep themselves slim.

.... you need to pay attention to grammar .... Also,"misleading view of diet" ? I feel this does not strongly convey your idea;
Another reason is that some people, especially women, start on crash diet programs in order to keep themselves skinny. These people hold the perception that thinner they are, more gorgeous and charming they look.
carito15 4 / 5  
Feb 25, 2013   #4
Personally, I think the conclusion is too short. I think paragraphs should be balanced.
Godiva 3 / 4  
Feb 27, 2013   #5
Personally, I think it would be better if the rhetorical question like "So this can be inferred that advertising is the most important cause of unhealthy eating habits? I seriously doubt that" is deleted.
farbodsalahi 5 / 7  
Mar 1, 2013   #6
It really does lead us to buying some harmful foods
I maintain that our unhealthy eating habits is
As people who are under great pressure from working and acquiring knowledge.

Dude you have some grammatical errors in your writing. Furthermore, your message was not clear.
good luck


Home / Writing Feedback / TOEFL:Advertising is the most important cause of unhealthy eating habits.
ⓘ Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms for professional help:

Best Writing Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳